The 19 Years: Harry Potter and the Art of Healing, Book 1
by givesmewings
Summary: Harry Potter has just defeated Voldemort and saved the Wizarding World. Before Harry can figure out what he wants to do with the rest of his life, he must first come to terms with all that he has lost. This is the first book in the story of what happened to Harry and the others during the 19 years between book 7 and the Epilogue.
1. After the Battle

**The** **19** **Years** **Book** **1: The Art of Healing**

**Chapter**: 1 – After the Battle

**Date**: May 1998

**Author's** **Note**: So I know this has been a long wait for a lot of you! Thank you for being patient this long. I have written this whole story and I have an outline for the whole series which is a lot more hashed out and thought out. In all, I have 11 books to cover the 19 years. One of the problems I had with the last one was by the time we got to the place we were at, I was running out of a way to keep the plot moving. It was just sort of rambling on and on. I've put a lot of thought into this now and hope this is much better.

**This first book is rated M because of: mentions of attempted suicide, mentions of torture, sexual abuse, child abuse, and images of abuse.** I apologize for any who find it unnecessary but I firmly believe that anyone who went through what they did would have been deeply scared. I also got some inspiration from several different authors' versions of these 19 years so thank you to them. So, without further ado, the typical disclaimer and then on with the story!

_**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the original characters!**_

_**Last words of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows:**__ "That wand's more trouble than it's worth," said Harry. "And quite honestly," he turned away from the painted portraits, thinking now only of the four-poster bed lying waiting for him in Gryffindor Tower, and wondering if whether Kreacher might bring him a sandwich there, "I've had enough trouble for a lifetime." _

Harry pocketed the Elder Wand and his own recently fixed wand before entering the staircase. He, Ron, and Hermione rode the moving stairs down back to the hallway once again. He looked in the direction of Gryffindor Tower, wondering if he could sneak away for a time.

"Go Harry," Hermione said softly.

Harry looked at his friends with surprise, who he noted with amusement, were now holding hands. "What?"

"You're dead on your feet mate," Ron answered Harry's question as he put an arm around Hermione's waist.

"Go up to Gryffindor Tower and get some sleep." Hermione gently ordered him with a soft smile.

Harry had to admit, that was all he wanted right now. He was so tired, he felt it in his bones and he was sure his exhaustion was showing on his face. "Thanks guys," Harry turned and headed for the tower and looked back at them over his shoulder. "Are you coming?"

"We are going to get back to the Great Hall," Ron answered after looking at Hermione who nodded to him. "We'll tell Mum where you are so she doesn't form a search party." He added winking at Harry.

"Now, go get some sleep and we'll see you later." Hermione urged her friend.

Harry let his smile say his thanks to his friends as he walked towards his old dorm once again, the first time in a year. Harry disappeared from view as he adorned his invisibility cloak and headed up towards Gryffindor Tower. He didn't want to accidentally run into anyone wandering the castle. After picking his way through debris filled corridors and stepping over a few giant spider corpses, Harry reached the portrait of the Fat Lady. He made sure no one was around before Harry pulled off his cloak. The Fat Lady let out a squeak of excitement when she saw Harry appear before her. She soon had a wide, excited smile on her face as she looked down at Harry. He saw that her friend Violet sat just behind her; both holding wine glasses and they had the air of celebration around them.

"I don't know the password." Harry sheepishly smiled at her as he folded his cloak.

"If anyone's a true Gryffindor, Harry Potter, it's you." The Fat Lady assured Harry as she held a glass aloft to him, toasting him. From her tone and the way the wine tilted slightly, Harry could tell that she was drunk. She hadn't started hiccupping yet thought. "Plus the Headmistress left instructions to let you in." She added with a wink before swinging open.

As he heard that, Harry felt a rush of gratitude toward Professor McGonagall – the only one who could have possibly left the directions to let him in. The portrait swung open and Harry climbed through to see Gryffindor Common Room. It looked untouched from the massive battle that had taken place just hours earlier, something that Harry was surprised at given the state of the rest of the castle. Harry walked to the boy's dormitory and then up the stairs, thinking only of his four poster bed. He entered his old room to see his old bed just waiting for him. The red hangings and comforter put him in a nostalgic mood. Harry didn't even take off his shoes; he fell into bed and was asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

~19 Years AOH~

Ron and Hermione entered the Great Hall and looked around. Nothing had changed from when they had left. A few people had switched places, but that was it. The two quickly hurried down the aisle toward the rest of the Weasleys, occasionally hearing congratulations and praise from the people they passed. When Molly saw Ron and Hermione approaching, she quickly greeted them both with a large, bone crushing hug.

"Ron, Hermione," her face was still streaked with tears along with dirt and soot. "We saw you leave."

"We had one more thing to take care of Mum," Ron told her softly as he sat down, Hermione next to him.

"What?" Molly asked wondering what on earth the two would have to do now, when everything was over, when Voldemort was dead, when Ron's brother, her son, was dead.

Ron and Hermione ignored her question, turning instead to look at George who was staring into space on the other side of the table. Before Hermione could say anything to him, Ginny surprised everyone by speaking.

"Where's Harry?" She asked a worried tone in her voice.

Hermione and Ron turned to look at her, vaguely aware that the other Weasleys and a few others around them were also listening. The two shared a brief glance before Hermione replied.

"He's alright. Just getting some much needed rest," Hermione told her eyeing the youngest Weasley significantly.

"Oh Merlin, Harry!" Molly's gasp was low but it was filled with heartbreak. "Where is he?"

"He's safe Mum," Ron assured his mother knowing that she wanted nothing more than to find him and haul him down here where she could keep an eye on him.

"I should go check on him." Molly moved to get up from her seat, but her husband laid a hand on her shoulder. Arthur had seen Ron's and Hermione's look and knew that the young man in question needed some time. If Ron and Hermione said he was safe, he believed them.

"He'll be alright dear. Let him be for now. You can go check on him later."

Molly looked like she was about to protest before she decided that Arthur was right. She nodded and drew Ginny to her in a hug instead.

Ron and Hermione looked at the rest of the Weasleys gathered around them. They were all covered in grime, dust, and in some cases blood. Their faces were only clean where they had tear tracks. Ginny was now resting her head on her mother's shoulder, her eyes staring off into space and her mouth in a thin line; Arthur had his arm around Molly's shoulders, his hand on Ginny's head, and was staring at the middle of the table, not really seeing anything. Everyone had a similar look to them, they were clustered together, but they were still acting as if they were by themselves. It was quiet but not really peaceful. A few murmurs filled the hall as people spoke quietly amongst one another. There was also food that sat in the middle of the table. Some people ate quietly and slowly, needing the energy while others just looked at the food with disgusted expressions, unsure of how anyone could eat when so many were lost.

After a few hours of this atmosphere, Ginny stood up and stretched. Molly followed her movements with narrowed gaze and a stern expression.

"Where are you going Ginny?" Molly demanded as Ginny took one step away from their table.

"To the bathroom Mum. I won't be gone long." Ginny assured her mother who nodded in satisfaction a moment later, though she watched Ginny as she walked away.

Ginny turned and headed out of the Great Hall walking slowly. She patted Neville on the shoulder as she passed; a sad, weary smile on her lips as she looked at him. Neville nodded to his friend and returned the same smile. Luna got up and hugged Ginny as she passed her friend. The two stayed like that for a moment before Luna let her go.

"He needed some alone time." Luna told Ginny softly before she turned and sat back down. Ginny looked at her friend's back for a moment before she understood what she was talking about. Harry needed some alone time. Harry had last been sitting with Luna here in the Great Hall. Ginny left the Great Hall, her mind working out where Harry would go to be alone. Her first thought turned to Dumbledore's office, but somehow she knew that he wouldn't want to spend a lot of time there. The Room of Requirement maybe?

No, the room had been broken somehow. Ron and Hermione had told her that when Harry had gone into the forest. Suddenly it hit her like a ton of bricks. The dorm! After everything he had done today, Harry would want some sleep. Ron and Hermione had said that Harry was safe and getting some much needed rest. What better place than Gryffindor Tower? Ginny quickened her pace as she started up the stairs. In what seemed like no time at all, Ginny entered Gryffindor Tower. She was surprised at how pristine it looked. She had thought that the Death Eaters would surely have trashed the place. But maybe they had never had the chance to get in here. The knowledge that the common room was intact bolstered her confidence that she'd find Harry upstairs.

Ginny crossed the common room and opened the door that led to the boys' dorm. She stood at the bottom of the steps for a moment, just looking up the stairs towards the door that she knew Harry would be behind, toying with going up there or not. In the end, she knew that she had to see him. Ginny slowly walked up the stairs to the seventh year dorm, anticipation growing with every step. By the time she reached the door, she had convinced herself that he would be awake and waiting for her. They would talk and she would get it through that thick, stubborn head of his that she and Harry were meant to be together. They would make up and become a couple again. She wanted to believe it would be that easy.

Ginny opened the door and peered inside, ready to greet Harry with his new title. Her face fell somewhat when she saw that he wasn't waiting for her. He was asleep. Harry lay on the bed, still in his dirty clothes and shoes, but had the most peaceful look on his face. Ginny had never seen that on Harry before. It brought a smile, the first true smile she had smiled since the battle ended, as she gazed down at Harry Potter, Boy-Who-Lived-Twice, Leader-Of-Light, Defeater-Of-Voldemort. Ginny reached out and brushed a strand of his forever messy hair from his face as she sat on the bed beside him. Harry didn't move or make a noise at the contact, just kept breathing deeply in sleep. Ginny let her hand linger on his chest for a moment as she just looked at him, watching him in sleep, drinking in the peaceful expression on his face and wondering how he could be. She stood gazing at him for awhile, the sunlight was coming through the window and was falling on his face. Ginny wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed with him, but she wasn't sure what would happen when he woke up.

Finally deciding that she had wasted enough time, and not wanting her mother to come after her, Ginny rose from the bed. As she passed his feet, she noticed again that he still had his shoes on. With a fond sigh, Ginny swiftly took Harry's shoes off wondering if it would wake him up. Her worry was unfounded it turned out as Harry barely stirred. Ginny came down the stairs and entered the common room to see several people with red hair gathered there. The Weasleys had arrived. She looked at her mother to see if she was angry with Ginny for being gone so long, but the Weasley Matriarch just looked tired and worn out.

"There you are Ginny," Molly said with relief as she spied her daughter. "We were wondering where you went."

"Sorry mum," Ginny said quietly.

Molly gave her daughter a sympathetic look before drawing her into a hug. "Come on. We're all going to bed," Molly guided her daughter toward the girl's dormitory where they each took a bed. The other beds were starting to fill up with the students who had stayed to help fight. The room was filled with contented sighs as adults and students alike sank into comfy beds. The adults slept in beds that were usually occupied by the underage children.

Ron entered his old dorm in much the same way Harry had: Happy that the dorm was untouched by the battle and nostalgic for the days when he, Harry, and Hermione were just students here at Hogwarts. He sank into his bed next to Harry's after checking on his friend. Around him, Dean, Seamus, and Neville also took their beds, no one saying a word to each other but happy to be in each other's presence, happy to have some semblance of normalcy to end the eventful day.


	2. Moping Around the Castle

**The 19 Years Book 1: The Art of Healing**

**Chapter**: 2 – Moping Around the Castle

**Date**: May 1998

**Author's** **Note**: Wow! Thank you all for all the reviews so far! I am glad that we could finally get this going again. Thank you for the reviews thus far and I hope you enjoy!

_**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the original characters!**_

After what felt like years, Harry woke up. At first, Harry didn't move. He just lay in his familiar bed, relishing the comfort he felt. Harry sighed before he finally pushed himself into a sitting position. As he did, he felt a pulling sensation on different parts of his body. Harry rubbed his head, noticing he had a particularly itchy scalp. As he started moving a little more, Harry realized that he was sore _everywhere_. Not only that, but Harry found he was covered in grime, dirt, and blood. Wondering how long he had been in his bed, Harry opened his bed hangings and looked around. The boys' dormitory was deserted but the other beds showed signs of being slept in.

Deciding he might as well get out of bed, Harry slowly stood up and stretched. He looked down at himself and saw that the clothes he was wearing were destined for the rubbish bin. Sighing, as didn't have any clothes with him, he was about to relegate himself to wearing them another day when he remembered Kreacher.

"Kreacher." Harry spoke softly.

A second passed, where Harry thought that maybe Kreacher had died in the battle when there was a crack and the little house elf appeared. "Master!" Kreacher bellowed and raced forward. Harry suddenly felt the little elf's hands around his knees. Before Harry could return the gesture in any way, Kreacher backed up from him and peered up at him with his big eyes. "Kreacher has been worried about yous! You have asleep for awhile sir."

"I'm sorry I worried you Kreacher." Harry replied touched that Kreacher was worried about him. The little House Elf had come a long way from just a few kind words.

"Oh Kreacher understands sirs," Kreacher told him earnestly. "But yous is awake now! Can Kreacher be getting yous anything?"

Harry nodded grinning. The thought of a change of clothes was like heaven on earth. "Can you get me a change of clothes? Talk to Hermione, she might still have some of my things with her. And you could bring a few sandwiches up here? I'm starving." Harry added as his stomach growled.

Kreacher bowed low and nodded. "Yes Master. I'll be back soon." With a crack, he disappeared.

Harry made his way over to the bathroom and started the shower. He peeled off his dirty clothes and stepped into the shower. Harry let the warm water run over his body and soak into his muscles. He took inventory of all the cuts and bruises over him and noticed the worst bruise was on his chest where the Killing Curse had hit him. The hot water felt like absolute heaven on his abused body. Harry stayed in the shower a long time before he finally stepped out, finally feeling clean and fresh. He stepped out to find a nice fluffy towel and a stack of clothes waiting for him. Harry dried himself off and then dressed, making sure to take care not to cause himself too much extra pain.

Harry left the bathroom and emerged in the dorm he had slept in for six years. The first thing he saw was a ginger haired tall lanky fellow sitting on the edge of his bed. "Good to see you're up mate. I never would have thought that you could sleep for so long." Ron flashed a grin at his best mate.

Harry grinned sheepishly and rubbed the back of his head. "How long was I out?"

"About thirty six hours." Ron answered with a flash of a smile.

Harry stared at him in shock. "What- wow."

"Yeah. You gave Mum quite the scare. I think she was afraid you died or something. She was checking on you every few hours and I think she was ready to wake you up in a few minutes."

Harry shook his head at Mrs. Weasley's antics. Harry hoped that he hadn't caused her too much trouble. His grin faded as he looked at Ron. "How are you doing Ron?"

Ron looked at his best mate and Harry could see the grief in those eyes. He was coping, but just barely. "I'll be ok, but it's just so much." Ron finally answered in a soft voice.

Harry looked at his feet and felt the familiar feeling of grief and guilt threatening to swallow him whole. He nodded in agreement. "I know. I'm sorry Ron. If I had gone to Vold-"

"Don't you dare!" Ron growled interrupting his friend. "Don't be sorry Harry. I know you're feeling like it's all your fault, but it's not. F-Fred gave his life because he knew that what he was fighting for was bigger than him and was worth his life." Harry watched Ron rant. He got off the bed and walked up to Harry and placed his hands on Harry's shoulders and looked at him. "_Nobody_ down there blames you for what happened. They know what was at stake when they came to this school to fight, and they knew what could happen. It. Is. Not. Your. Fault. Don't insult their memories by believing it's your fault. Alright mate?" Ron spoke to him firmly and his eyes were a little watery but also firm.

Harry got the message Ron was trying to tell him. Harry nodded, speechless. He appreciated Ron's little speech but it was so unlike him that all Harry could do was stare at him. "I promise." He managed after a few seconds as it was clear Ron was waiting for an acknowledgement.

Ron nodded and sat back down on the bed, satisfied with the answer. At that moment, the door opened and three women came in. Two of them instantly caused Harry to smile at the sight of them.

"Harry!" Ginny and Hermione yelled together. Hermione rushed forward and wrapped Harry in a hug, squeezing him tightly.

"Harry dear, you're awake!" Mrs. Weasley was obviously relieved. When Hermione finally let Harry go, she also came forward and gathered him in a bone crushing hug. "We've been so worried about you. Have you had something to eat yet?"

"Looks like Kreacher brought up some sandwiches for Harry," Ron said looking at the plate next to Harry's bed. "He just got out of the shower though so I don't think he's actually eaten yet."

Harry just nodded when Mrs. Weasley sent an inquiring look at him.

"You go ahead and eat dear," Mrs. Weasley instructed and gave him a little push toward the platter of sandwiches.

Harry moved over to the plate happily, his stomach growling as he went.

Mrs. Weasley watched him closely to make sure he was eating before turning her attention to the other three. "Make sure you all have your things together, we'll be going home tonight." She told them sternly.

"Who's going to help repair the castle?" Ginny asked out of curiosity. She saw Harry's inquiring look and asked the question that he couldn't since his mouth was full of sandwich. At her question, Harry shot her a quick thankful look before turning back to Mr. Weasley.

"McGonagall has already hired the crew who will be doing that," Mrs. Weasley replied looking at her daughter. "And several of the professors are planning on staying here to help as well."

"Do you think Hogwarts will be able to open for the next school year?" Hermione asked in an obviously hopeful tone.

"With the teachers here to keep the repair crew in line, I'm sure it will be." Ron scoffed with a slight laugh.

"McGonagall will make sure that most of the castle is open for the students at least," Mrs. Weasley agreed with her son. "The Board of Governors want to have the school open for the next school year so I imagine they will push hard for the repair crews to stay on track."

Harry swallowed his sandwich and helped himself to another one as Hermione sat on his bed next to Ron. "Well, maybe we can stay and help?" Her eyes slid to Harry for the briefest of seconds but her statement included herself and Ron. Both felt somewhat responsible for the destruction of the castle. It was because of them that Voldemort and his Death Eaters had come here for the final battle after all.

"Nonsense," Mrs. Weasley made a dismissing motion. "They have it under control and won't need the help of children. You'll just get in their way." She added as she turned towards the door. "Harry dear, when you are done come down to the Great Hall. Ginny come on."

"Mum, I'll come with the others." Ginny tried to protest.

"Now Ginny," Mrs. Weasley's tone was stern and final.

Ginny huffed and rolled her eyes but went with her mother. Ron and Hermione watched the two leave with somewhat surprised expressions on their faces. Harry had frozen mid bite at her words.

"'Won't need the help of children'?" Ron quoted with surprise. "Was she not at the battle? Did she not see what we did?"

"Ron," Hermione scolded softly. Her heart wasn't really in it though because she felt like Ron and Harry. They weren't children. They may be young and barely adults in the eyes of the Wizarding Community, but they were not children. Not anymore. "Your mum is just trying to keep her family together," Hermione added when neither boy said anything.

Harry set his sandwich down half eaten. His appetite had disappeared suddenly when Hermione said family. It made him think of Fred. Remus and Tonks sprung to his mind as well and he realized that he would never see them again. "Don't worry about it mate," Ron said clapping him on the shoulder misreading Harry's sudden mood change. "She'll see reason. We'll come back and help. It's partly our fault that the castle is in this state after all… McGonagall will probably give us detention if we don't." He tried joking.

"Ron!" Hermione hissed in anger as Harry recoiled a step. It was obvious that he had not thought of that. And now that Ron brought it up, Harry realized it was true. It was _his_ fault that the school was in this state. _He_ had brought Voldemort and his goons here. If they had been able to sneak into the castle maybe the battle wouldn't have had to be fought here.

"Come on Harry," Hermione linked her arm with his and pulled him from the dorm after shooting a glare at Ron who mouthed sorry back at her with a sheepish expression.

"Where we going 'Mione?" Harry asked as she pulled him out of the common room and down the hallway.

"Hospital wing," she answered while tightening her grip on him.

"Whoa! No Hermione!" Harry said trying to break away from her. "I'm fine. Really."

"Harry, you were hit with the Killing Curse!" She chided him. "Before you do anything else, Madam Promfrey is going to check you out." Hermione stated in her no nonsense tone.

Harry shook his head at her. "Hermione!" He whined while shaking his head. "I'm fine!" He protested. "Really!" He added at her disbelieving look.

"Then why are you moving so stiffly?" She asked pointedly, coming to a stop and putting her hands on her hips.

Harry sighed in frustration. "Well I have been sleeping for thirty six hours," Harry tried once more to get out of the medical exam.

"Harry mate," Ron piped up now. "Go get checked out. Mum will make you eventually and if she doesn't than McGonagall will. Just do it now and get it over with."

Harry looked at the concerned looks on his two best mates' faces and sighed before rolling his eyes. "Fine, I'll head over to the Hospital Wing now." Harry started walking again, Hermione and Ron right behind him, foiling any escape plan Harry could come up with.

When they reached the Hospital Wing, Harry saw that quite a few beds were full of people. There were also a few extra healers on hand, their robes identifying them as healers from St. Mungo's. All activity stopped when they caught sight of Harry, Ron, and Hermione entering the wing.

"It's him!"

"Harry Potter!"

"Harry Potter! He's here!" Patients and healers alike shouted and started moving towards him.

Harry immediately turned around to walk out of the ward, wanting to avoid the fanfare, but he was stopped by Ron and Hermione. They stood shoulder to shoulder and both had their arms crossed.

"No Harry. You have to get checked out." Hermione told him shaking her head.

Harry sighed and turned around again to see three healers and Madam Promfrey approaching.

"Harry Potter. What can we do for you?" One of the healers asked him eagerly.

"Madam Promfrey," Harry asked singling the mediwitch out, "if you aren't too busy, I would appreciate if you could give me a once over."

She looked at Harry with sympathy and understanding before she nodded and motioned to follow her to her office. "Of course Harry. I am done with my patients for now. Please come through here." They went through her office to a second set of doors that led to a second room that held only four beds. Three were occupied. "This is a ward for more private matters and staff. I just thought that you would be more comfortable here while I checked you over."

Harry nodded his gratitude as he sat on the bed. "Ok, first off, anything specific you're complaining of?" She asked him.

Harry shrugged. "Some soreness and stiff muscles. But I did just sleep for about thirty six hours so that's probably why."

Pomfrey pursed her lips and shook her head. "Never self diagnose Harry," she reprimanded him gently. Her expression turned to surprise in the next second. "You've slept all this time?"

Harry just nodded. "It's been a rough couple of months." Was his only explanation.

"Alright Potter, off with the shirt." Pomfrey ordered in her formidable healer tone. "Let's see what I have to work miracles on this time."

Harry grinned slightly at that and took off his shirt. A second later he was treated to a gasp as Pomfrey saw his chest and the nasty bruise there.

"Merlin Potter, what did you get hit with this time?"

Harry sighed softy before he answered her question. "The Killing Curse."

"What?!" She exclaimed in surprise, stepping back and looking at Harry trying to determine if he was telling the truth or not.

Harry told her the bare bone basics of what had transpired in the forest before the last duel between him and Voldemort. Pomfrey listened in surprise which turned to admiration for the young man before her. When Harry was done telling her what had happened, she quickly got to work. A few scans, spells, and two cups of potions later, Pomfrey was done and Harry felt loads better.

"Ok Harry, you're all done," her tone was soft and gentle. "That bruise on your chest will go away but not for a while at least." Harry nodded and redressed. "You're the only one who has ever survived that curse and it's dark magic so I can't tell you when it'll heal or even if it will heal. We'll just have to keep an eye on it. You notice it gets worse you tell me immediately understand?"

"Yes ma'am," Harry told her nodding. Pomfrey nodded in satisfaction and showed Harry out. He was met just outside the wing by Ron and Hermione.

"Feeling better mate?" Ron asked standing up.

Harry nodded while rolling his eyes. Hermione didn't stop the smirk that crossed her face at that. "Good. Come on, let's head downstairs."

"If you insist," Harry tried to tease but his heart wasn't really in it. Together, the three made their way down to the Great Hall where the others were still gathered.

~19 Years AOH~

The three had made it to the Entry Hall without any incident. According to the other two, a lot of the people who had come to fight had left yesterday or during the night. But there were still plenty who remained, most of whom had lost someone. Now, Harry stood in the doorway to the Great Hall, his friends behind him. His eyes roamed the large room, looking at everyone gathered in there. The first thing he noticed was that there were few people smiling and even more were crying. All these people had lost someone, whether friend or family. Harry stood, seemingly alone in the doorway, just looking. In one corner of the Hall, the Weasleys were all gathered together, comforting one another, and in the back, where the Staff Table usually was placed, McGonagall was moving. She talked with the people there, trying to help them as she could. All the bodies of the dead had been moved to one of the rooms off the Entry Hall. The bodies of Death Eaters and Voldemort himself were in a different room entirely.

Harry's eyes lingered on a few sad faces knowing who they had lost. Molly and Arthur were so filled with grief it was palpable, but they were trying to comfort their children. George was starring at the wall, his face totally blank. Ginny was near him, her hand on his shoulder, her head in the other hand. Lee Jordan and Angelina were nearby, both had tear streaks still on their faces. In another corner, Neville and Luna were next to each other, moving along the groups of people, offering words of comfort.

Harry felt a hand on his shoulder as his eyes left Luna and Neville. Ron nodded toward his family, his face one of reluctance but also resolve. "Come on, we should go in." He urged.

"Harry?" Hermione prodded softly when Harry didn't move.

"Yeah," Harry agreed but his tone was off.

Ron and Hermione looked at each other in concern but followed Harry as he finally entered. People took notice of his return but only murmured hellos or condolences. Harry acknowledged them, but only barely. He took a seat next to George and stayed there for the rest of the night, not speaking, only listening and getting more and more caught up in his own grief.

~19 Years AOH~

Sometime after dawn, people decided it was time. Time to leave Hogwarts and head home. Time to leave the site of the Final Battle and join the celebrations that were raging up and down the country. The Hall emptied slowly at first until only a handful remained. McGonagall and most of the teachers stayed because they were going to help rebuild Hogwarts. The Weasleys were among the last to leave. Harry had stayed in his seat all night, looking much the same as George, if not worse.

Molly looked at Arthur, unsure as to what they should do with him. She was about to approach Harry when Ron called out for her. Molly and Arthur went over to their youngest son who was joined by McGonagall, Hermione, and Ginny. "Mum, Harry should stay here." Ron said right off, not bothering to pretend it was about something else.

"Stay?" She sounded incredulous. She shook her head as she disagreed with him. "He needs to go home Ron. He needs to be around family."

"This is his home Mrs. Weasley," Hermione tried to explain.

"It's true," Ginny added, "he's always thought of Hogwarts as home."

"Hogwarts?" Arthur asked in surprise. "But what about his relatives?"

"Those people?" McGonagall snorted. "They would not be considered his family."

"I only meant that perhaps he'd like to go back to their house?" Arthur suggested well remembering the few times he had met Harry's aunt and uncle.

"You've met his aunt and uncle?" Ginny asked McGonagall surprised at the same time that her father spoke.

"Briefly," McGonagall answered nodding before turning to look at the Weasley parents. "I agree with Mr. Weasley," McGonagall continued nodding at Ron. "Harry should stay here at Hogwarts."

"He can't stay here alone!" Molly protested.

"He won't be alone," McGonagall pointed out a bit stiffly. "The other professors and I will be here."

"It's probably safest for him here Molly," Arthur told his wife. "Death Eaters and reporters are going to be hounding the poor boy. Until he's grieved and healed some from those wounds, he'll be protected here."

"The wards of Hogwarts are intact," McGonagall agreed. "We raised them again as soon as we were able."

"I don't like it," Molly said but turned to Ron and Hermione. "But you really think he'll be better here?"

The two nodded together but it was Ginny who spoke. "He'll need the familiarity and solitude that Hogwarts will offer him. Not to mention the safety."

Everyone turned to look at Ginny with some degree of surprise. Ginny's cheeks colored only a little at the attention. Only her parents didn't know that she and Harry had been boyfriend girlfriend at one point in time. Her brothers knew though.

"That, and Pomfrey can keep an eye on him. Obviously he went through something in the forest. I still don't know how he managed to convince Voldemort that he was dead, but I wager it wasn't easy on Harry. Pomfrey can keep an eye on him to make sure he really is alright." McGonagall added after a moment.

Ron and Hermione looked at each other quickly. They knew what had happened to him obviously, Harry had told them. But they wouldn't tell anyone else unless absolutely necessary. Harry would tell the others only if and when he wanted to.

"Alright, but, Minerva, you better keep an eye on him." Molly warned the elder witch sternly.

"You have my word," McGonagall promised her.

Molly nodded satisfied and gestured to the younger kids. "We need to get going."

"We'll be along in a moment Mum. Professor, could we have a word please?" Ron asked turning to McGonagall.

"Sure Mr. Weasley." McGonagall answered. Ron and Hermione waited until the others left before speaking. Ginny shot the older witch a look that said she clearly expected to be filled in later before she hurried after her parents.

"Professor, we wanted to clear something up before we left. Professor Snape was on our side." Hermione began.

McGonagall looked at the two in surprise. "Excuse me?"

"Snape was on our side," Ron reiterated.

"We witnessed his last moments and Snape gave Harry some memories. He was a spy for Dumbledore and tried to protect the students as long as he could this year."

"I knew he had some suspicious moments!" McGonagall breathed softly. "That bastard!" she growled suddenly. "He could have helped us. _I_ could have helped _him_!" She turned her eyes on the two and raised her eyebrows. "So, where is his body?"

"We've retrieved it." Ron answered after sharing a look with Hermione. Clearly the two didn't think she'd believe them so fast.

"That's where you two disappeared to just a little bit ago!" McGonagall sounded like she was pleased she solved the mystery.

Hermione nodded in response and her face became guilty. "We saw how Harry has become."

At her questioning glance, Hermione explained. "Consumed by grief. He isn't in any condition to retrieve Snape's body."

"Indeed," McGonagall's gaze turned to look at the back of her favorite Gryffindor. "Tell me, do I need to worry about Harry?" She asked the two softly.

Hermione and Ron looked at each other before they looked at her. "After Cedric's death, he was incredibly angry. We later found out that that was mostly because of Voldemort's emotional influence though." Ron started.

"And after Sirius, Harry was left alone until Dumbledore came for him." Hermione explained.

"So basically, you're not sure how Harry is when he grieves." McGonagall surmised grimacing. She had hoped that these two could give her some insight.

"Unfortunately, no." Hermione agreed, her eyes falling to the floor in shame.

"Alright. Please feel free to come and visit him. I know he would appreciate it."

"Thank you professor," Hermione grinned sadly before linking arms with Ron and heading over to Harry.

At first, Harry wasn't sure what was happening but then he realized that the Weasley were leaving for the Burrow. And he wasn't. On some level, he was shocked that they didn't want him there. Well, it was his fault that Fred was dead after all. But on another level, Harry was glad to be left alone. He would be free to grieve on his own and away from the prying eyes of Mrs. Weasley. With mixed feelings, Harry watched them leave before going up to Gryffindor Tower on his own.

McGonagall watched him go, wondering what the young man would do now that all the pressure was off of him.

~19 Years AOH~

A day had passed since the last of the Hogwarts Defenders had left for home. Professors were milling about the castle, working with the repair crew that McGonagall had hired, trying to get the castle back together again. Harry was also doing his part, but he was hardly ever seen by anyone. Kreacher took meals up to him in Gryffindor Tower in the mornings and at night. When he was spotted, Harry didn't talk or make eye contact with anyone. It was an issue that all the Professors were starting to realize was serious.

McGonagall had spent the better part of two hours trying to track her Gryffindor down. She knew from the repair crew that they had last seen him in this part of the castle. The problem was, the part of the castle they were referring to was large, _huge_. There were dozens of rooms, nooks, and crannies that he could be hiding in. Finally, she spotted the young man in a small hallway. Before him was a large gaping hole. Obviously a Death Eater had blown it apart or a spider had come through it in the attack. She watched with surprise as Harry waved his wand and the hole quickly was rebuilt from the bricks laying in the hallway. The hole came together perfectly. She saw that the bricks that had been completely destroyed were replaced with complete new ones that Harry conjured from the dust in the hallway. The repair job that should have taken an hour by three witches or wizards took Harry thirty minutes.

When he was done, he looked at the hole, as if he was trying to find anything wrong with it. When he was satisfied that it was sound, Harry turned and walked down the hallway, looking for the next project. McGonagall drew level with the newly repaired wall and put her hand on it. She could feel the magic still coursing through the stone. A repair like that, the magic would still be present for several days before completely settling. As she examined the wall, she wondered when Harry had become so powerful. He had never shown this level of magical ability before at Hogwarts. For probably the hundredth time, McGonagall wondered what had happened to Harry in the forest.

Remembering why she had spent so long looking for Harry, McGonagall jolted herself after him. She set off on a brisk walk after the boy and caught up with him soon enough. "Harry!" She called after him. Harry either didn't hear her or didn't want to acknowledge her. "Harry!" She called again. Again, Harry didn't answer. "Harry Potter!" She called, her stern professor mode slipping into her tone. That must have gotten through to him. At least a little bit. Harry stopped and turned. She stopped just before him and drew in a breath before asking her question. She could see that the brilliant green eyes which had always contained a brilliant fire were dull now.

"Harry, I have a question for you." She started. Harry just blinked and McGonagall kept going. "Given all you know about Voldemort and seeing as you are probably the person who knows him best now, what should we do with the body?" Harry didn't look at her, just blinked once. McGonagall decided to try a different tactic. "The Death Eaters' bodies were given to their families, or at least to the family members who showed up to collect them." McGonagall surveyed Harry before continuing. "Many feel that they should be treated the same as Riddle's body." Still nothing from the young man. This was getting ridiculous. "Well, we don't want to honor his body, so what do you think if we burn it?" She and Kingsley had discussed this before and he had actually suggested the option.

"_His soul is gone and it's just an empty shell now_." He had said. Not that either of them cared much about Voldemort's soul but they wanted to be better than Voldemort and his followers.

Harry looked at McGonagall with a blank face. No emotion or trace of an answer was on his face. After a moment, Harry turned and walked down the hallway, looking for more repairs to do. McGonagall watched him go, completely at a loss as to what to do for him and wondering if he was going to get better with time. Merlin forbid if he was just going to get worse.

~19 Years AOH~

Five days had passed since the final battle had been fought. Hogwarts castle still lay in ruin, the grounds still held craters and bodies of dead spiders and one giant. Witches and Wizards everywhere had long since returned home or joined in celebrations taking place all around the country. Only a few people still remained at the dark castle. One of them was the woman who had just been promoted to the top job. It was her task to get the school back up and running. Minerva McGonagall stood outside the castle she had long considered her home as well as her work place. Her arms were folded and her gaze lingered on the ancient building. She wondered if the castle had ever sustained this level of damage before.

McGonagall sighed as sounds of masonry work reached her ears. The crews had been hard at work for the last two days. According to the foreman, the repair work would take all summer. With a lot of work, and a lot of luck, they'd be able to open up to eighty percent of the school. The other twenty would remain under construction during the school year. Looking at the castle now, she wondered how on earth it could be so easy to destroy something so fast but take so long to build.

"Professor!" A man shouted for her attention.

McGonagall looked over to see it was the foreman who was hurrying towards her. "Professor!" He called out as he drew closer.

"Banks," McGonagall greeted the foreman with a curt nod.

Banks came to a stop beside her and returned her greeting. "He's at it again," his tone was half annoyed and half exasperated.

McGonagall had had this conversation with him before and knew immediately what he was talking about.

"You know he is just doing what he can to help." McGonagall told him.

"And I respect that. But he's doing my job!" Banks retorted somewhat angrily.

Now McGonagall turned to face him, a stern and narrow expression on her face. "Last time, you said he was getting in your way. Now you're telling me he's doing your job. So which is it Banks?"

Banks huffed and spread his hands. "Look, something has to be done about him. He does projects that my guys are planning on and doesn't tell us about it. When we do see him, he ignores everyone and doesn't even greet my guys. Now I know-."

"If he's helping you out so much, why are you complaining?"

"I just hoped he wouldn't be so distant is all. Since we got here, he hasn't said anything or even looked at us."

"Mr. Potter is doing his part to help with reconstruction. He is repairing the castle just as you are. I think you could take a few lessons from his actions. He's getting through twice the amount of work your entire crew is." McGonagall told him before turning to look at the castle before her. "Perhaps I should hire him to do the repairs..." she let the comment hang in the air.

Banks let out a huff and turned back to go to his crew and the waiting repairs. McGonagall allowed a small smirk to cross her face at that before her thoughts turned to one Harry Potter. The young man was a robot these days. He had thrown himself into the repairs of the castle and barely said a word to anybody. According to Kreacher, Harry barely slept and barely ate. In between he was working on repairs like he was the one guilty of breaking the castle. How false that belief was! And yet, she couldn't make him see that. She couldn't even get the boy to look at her anymore. Harry had been going at it since everyone had left Hogwarts. The Weasleys believed he was mourning the people and friends he had lost.

Instead, Harry was shutting down his emotions, bottling them up inside where McGonagall knew they would eventually start to eat away at him. Ron and Hermione had shown up to today and McGonagall could tell that the other two thirds of the Golden Trio had not expected what they had found. Yesterday, McGonagall had taken a page out of Dumbledore's book and invited the young man to tea, but he hadn't even acknowledged her invitation. How she wished she could get inside his head. That way she could find out what he was thinking and how to get it through his head that everything that had happened wasn't his fault. According to Kreacher, the food he brought him often was left untouched. The last time she had seen Harry, he had deep purple circles under his eyes, telling her that his sleep was also inadequate. If this continued for much longer, she was going to call a Healer and force Harry to talk. Although, she wasn't sure that was the right way to go about it.


	3. Into the Forest, Part I

**The 19 Years Book 1: The Art of Healing**

**Chapter**: 3 – Into the Forest I

**Date**: May/June 1998

**Author's** **Note**: Thank you for the reviews so far! Fanfic didn't send out the email that said I uploaded last week, I think it was partly my internet connection, I was having some problems last week. But for future reference, I will update every Sunday at some point. Enjoy!

_**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the original characters!**_

"_My Lord, their resistance is crumbling-._" Severus told his master.

Screams, coming from inside the castle reached Harry's ears. "_NO!_" Harry shouted, trying to get closer, trying to help. The screams became clearer – it was Hermione. "_NO_!" Harry yelled, his anguish clear in his voice. "_I'm coming Hermione! I'm coming!_" But no matter how fast Harry moved, the castle remained far away.

"_Kill_!" Voldemort's order in Parsletongue reverberated through Harry's head. Hermione screamed again, the worst one yet, and Harry fell to his knees in anguish, knowing he was too late.

"_NOO!_" Harry howled as he bent forward and let his head touch the ground. "_No!_" Hot angry tears fell down his face.

"_You have failed Harry Potter!_" Voldemort's cold voice sounded in his ear. "_You couldn't save them. It's your fault they're dead_."

Remus' laughing face flashed before Harry's eyes only to be replaced by how Harry had seen him in death. Tonks, Fred, Dobby, Ron, Ginny, they all flew before him, their faces frozen in a death mask.

"_Your fault, all your fault!_" Their whispers echoed all around Harry.

"_NO!_" Harry shouted angrily. "_NO!_"

Voldemort just laughed as a green flash filled Harry's vision. Snape was before him, encased in a magical bubble. Nagini was poised to strike. Everything was frozen for that moment in time but Snape's eyes slid over to meet Harry's directly. "_You were right there! You were right there and you just watched! You didn't even try to save me! You killed me Potter! It's your fault I'm dead!_"

"_I know! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!_" Harry yelled back but no one seemed to be listening to him. Ginny, Ron, Hermione, Luna, Neville, everyone, were turning their backs on him and walking away. "_Please! Come back! I didn't mean for them to die!_"

"_If you had gone to the forest sooner_," George snarled at Harry, "_Fred would still be alive! Fred should have lived! You were supposed to die! It should be you dead on the floor of the Great Hall! Not Fred! Not Remus! Not Tonks! Not Snape! You! It's your fault! All your fault!_"

Harry nodded in agreement. "_My fault! All mine! I'm sorry! Please!_"

"_You'll never be part of my family again Potter!_" Molly Weasley spat at him. "_You will never marry my daughter!_"

"_As if I'd want you to be my husband!?_" Ginny scoffed at him. "_How could I marry my brother's murderer?_"

"_Murderer! Murderer! Murderer!_" The chant started off with just a few people until everyone was chanting it at him. Harry pressed his hands to his ears, trying to cut it off and squeezed his eyes shut. "_Murderer_!"

"_No! Please! I didn't mean it! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!_" Harry cried desperately.

"_Harry Potter, you're pathetic!_" Voldemort's voice echoed in his ears. "_You're no better than me!_" He sounded absolutely gleeful as he uttered those words.

"_Shut up! Shut up!_" Harry yelled frantically.

"_MURDERER_!" A flash of green light filled his vision at the same time -.

Harry sat straight up in bed, gasping for breath and drenched in a cold sweat. His sheets were tangled around his body and his pulse was racing. Voldemort's high, cold laughter echoed in his ears, even now as he sat on his bed awake. Harry put his head in his hands and massaged his temples, trying to tell himself that it was just a dream. That it wasn't real. Eventually, Harry untangled himself and pulled his knees to his chest. He was the only one in his dorm, everyone having gone home so long ago. Even Ron and Hermione had gone to the Burrow without him. Harry didn't blame them; he wouldn't want the person responsible for Fred's death around. Not only Fred's death, but Remus', Tonks', Snape's, and even Dobby's as well. He was tainted. No one wanted him in their home. Harry didn't have a home to return to.

His home had always been Hogwarts and now she was in ruin. Also because of him. He had brought Voldemort and his thugs to the school. It was because of him that the battle took place here. It was his fault everyone was dead because he didn't go to Voldemort sooner. Harry had thrown himself into the repair work with gusto, determined to see the castle fixed and restored to her awesome glory. It was atonement for himself more than anything. As if repairing Hogwarts would help him live with the guilt he was feeling. With the grief. An added benefit to all the work he was doing was that he found the work took enough of his concentration that he didn't have to think about what had happened.

Knowing he wasn't going to get anymore sleep this night, Harry got out of bed and entered the shower. As he let the hot water run over his body, he let his mind became blank - empty. Harry began to go through the motions of his day without any thought. Kreacher had his breakfast laid out for him when he was done showering. The elf laid out enough food for a feast. Harry contented himself with some toast - just as he did every day. He dressed himself, picked up his wand, and headed for a corridor of the castle that he knew needed some work.

~19 Years AOH~

Harry walked down the stairs, not watching where he was going, his mind in a haze. His feet moved, one in front of the other, of their own volition. He looked at nothing and yet everything. Harry's eyes were dull, void of any emotion. Harry bumped into a statue, causing him to take several steps backwards so he wouldn't fall before he blinked and looked. A large, rather sinister, statue stared back at him. The black metal was freezing but Harry put his hand on the metal as he found it was sort of soothing. Harry cocked his head to the side, studying the statue, and looked at the statue that way. From this angle, the nose rather reminded him of Snape's. As soon as the Potions Master's name entered his head, Harry withdrew his hand like he had been burned. Snape. As far as Harry knew, no one had yet retrieved his body. Probably everyone still believed him to be a traitor. Harry couldn't let him just rot to nothing in the Shrieking Shack. He had done far too much for not only Harry but the Wizarding World at large. He was a hero, not a traitor. Harry did an about face and quickly headed out of the castle. He was surprised at just how deep he had wondered into the castle. A half hour's walk later found him in the Entry Hall. Harry was so focused on his task that he failed to see McGonagall.

"Harry!" McGonagall sounded pleased to see him. She had just been wondering what the young man was up to. Harry sped by her without a glance. "Harry?" McGonagall asked spinning around after Harry. She saw his hurried pace, his facial expression and knew he was a man on a mission. She followed him to the top of the steps and watched the raven haired young man go deeper into the grounds. She let Harry go, thinking he was finally going to let his emotions out. Finally grieve. McGonagall turned back into the castle and sighed. Maybe she wouldn't have to call her friend to coax Harry out of his thickening shell. Harry had always been and always would be one of her favorite little lions. And his behavior had been worrying her. It was unhealthy what he was doing.

Harry headed into the Whomping Willow after freezing the failing limbs. He had to crawl on his hands and knees to enter and travel the passage, it had grown in so much. When he reached the trapdoor that lead into the house, Harry stood up and brushed off his hands and looked around. It was as Harry, Ron, and Hermione had left it. Harry walked slowly up to the trapdoor, knowing that Severus should be just on the other side. He took a deep breath before lifting the trap door. It creaked as it moved and flung dust into the air. Harry paid it no mind as he scrambled inside. His mind was focused, Severus Snape's last moments playing before him as he opened the door. A body, covered in blood greeted him, but no smell. Harry blinked and let out a deep breath as he realized his mind was playing tricks on him. He looked again to see the true sight. There was no body on the floor. Snape's body had been moved. By friend or foe, Harry had no idea. Harry sank to his knees on the edge of the nearest blood stain. The last moments of Severus Snape echoed in his ears.

"_Look at me_." His voice, deep but weak, echoed in his ears. Harry's eyes had reminded Snape of his mother's eyes. The person that Snape had done everything for and the one thing of Harry's that didn't remind of James Potter. Harry closed his eyes as he thought about the man who had died here. Everything he had done for him, all because of his love for Lily Evans. Everything the man had given his life up for, all to keep him safe. And in the end, it had saved him, Harry, but it hadn't protected Snape. Snape was dead. And Harry had been just over there, watching. He hadn't made a move to help him. Hadn't done a thing but watch as Voldemort killed Snape in a slow, painful, agonizing way.

"_Ungrateful brat_," Snape's voice echoed in his ears. "_Arrogant ungrateful brat_."

Harry could only agree with him. Harry was responsible for so much. After everything this man, this crass, snarky, belligerent potions master had done for him, Harry had failed. He had killed Voldemort sure, but he hadn't protected the ones he loved most. He had caused more harm than good. _He_ was responsible. _He_ was at fault. Harry suddenly became overcome with emotion. Of grief. Of guilt. He let out an inarticulate, strangled yell as he rose to his feet and grabbed the nearest piece of furniture. It was already pretty torn up and broken but Harry lay into it savagely. Soon, pieces of the chair lay around him. But Harry didn't stop. He couldn't. He managed to rip apart the tattered couch and half broken table in his outburst. The whole time, Harry had hot tears rolling down his cheeks. But his mind was filled only with the grief and guilt he had been feeling for what felt like years. Harry knew nothing else. He felt nothing else. After ripping apart the couch, Harry punched the wall, his fist going through the rotten wood. Harry withdrew his fist to see pieces of wood embedded in his hand and blood falling from the wound. He held his injured fist in front of his face a moment, examining the injury curiously. He felt pain but he was unsure where the physical pain began and the emotional pain stopped.

Deciding that he needed more space, Harry left the Shrieking Shack. He burst through the boarded up door (lose ever since Voldemort had been there) so fast and hard that the door crashed against the wall and cracked right up the middle. Harry didn't even notice. He was already fast heading into the forest. He didn't look back. Harry ran blindly, tears obscuring his vision. Bramble, young trees, and low branches managed to hit him in the face several times, but still Harry pressed on. He ran, not caring where he was going, nor what he ran into. As he got deeper into the forest, the undergrowth lessened until there was very little. He had a few new cuts on his face and arms from his run, but he didn't care. Harry kept running, only barely managing not to run into trees as he did. Suddenly, Harry's foot got caught on a protruding root. He fell forward, face planting into the pine needle covered ground.

Not bothering to pick himself up, he had nowhere to go, Harry curled up into a ball, hands gripping his knees to his chest, and let his grief finally escape. His grief that he would no longer see Remus again came full force. His grief for the loss of Fred, for George, for Tonks, Dobby, for Snape and Dumbledore, even his long buried grief for Cedric and Sirius came out. Harry couldn't stop. But he found oddly enough that he didn't want to stop. Letting out these bottled up emotions was like letting a dam break. The grief and guilt lessened somewhat as he mourned, but still he blamed himself.

Eventually, another thought occurred to Harry as he lay on the hard, cold ground. Ginny. He still cared for her. He wondered if she felt the same towards him still. He wouldn't blame her if she didn't – he had left her to go Horcrux hunting. He was also the reason her brother was dead. Harry drew into himself even more at that. The Weasleys wouldn't want him around now. No one would. Who would want to spend time with the person responsible for their loved one's death? Harry knew he wouldn't find comfort in Ginny's arms this time. This time, he was on his own. To ask her to pick up where they had left off was incredibly selfish, incredibly foolish of him. He couldn't ask her to do that. Hell, he had no right to talk to her. She probably didn't even want to see him.

What was he going to do now? Where would he go? What would he do? His future, it was so uncertain it was scary. No, it was downright terrifying. Harry realized that he was afraid of what was coming next. He had never expected to survive this battle. He had had no reason to. He was the final Horcrux. He had to die because of it. And even before he knew he was the final Horcrux, Harry had long known that his dueling skills were not the same as Voldemort's. How anyone had expected a seventeen year old boy, who only had the normal Hogwarts schooling to boot, to take on a Dark Lord was beyond him. Harry had figured he'd take out Voldemort, but at the cost of his own life. Harry wasn't sure he wanted to know what would come next. He could leave the Wizarding world all together. Or at least, this country. Maybe he could live abroad where no one knew him. Maybe he should join his family in the afterlife.

Harry pushed that thought away almost as soon as it struck him. He was not the type to commit suicide. Mostly because he recognized what everyone had given up for him. And he didn't want to waste their gift because he couldn't cope. He'd rather become a drunk and penniless beggar than take his own life. Plus, that'd kill Ron and Hermione. Ron and Hermione. They were probably furious with him. At least, Ron probably was. It was his brother he had lost. Could he do it? Could he leave them behind? He had spent so much time with them. He had fought a war with them! They had lived a lifetime together already. Harry didn't think he could. But he might have to. After this war, who would want to be near him? Who would want to taint themselves with his presence?

"_Who would want to spend their time with an ungrateful, arrogant Potter?" _Snape's voice sneered in his ear.

'I am not ungrateful!' Harry shouted back at him in his head.

"_Is that so Potter? Then why are you laying on the ground in the Forbidden Forest? You're selfish to believe everyone died for you. I most certainly did not."_

'I should have been quicker. I should have gone to him sooner.' Harry screamed in his mind as he closed his eyes and tried to stave off a fresh wave of tears.

"_So arrogant, so selfish,"_ Snape sneered at him. _"Do you really think your foolish little friends would have found the last Horcrux without you?"_

'They would have!' Harry argued back. 'They would have done it!'

"_They would have died,"_ Snape countered. _"And then you would have been to blame for not only their deaths, but yet another rise of Voldemort and everything we did, everything we _died _for, would have been in vain and wasted."_

'I am to blame!' Harry countered angrily. 'Tell me who would want to spend time with me now! Tell me who can stand the sight of me now!' Harry snarled in answer.

Suddenly, warm chocolate eyes were staring at him. Harry blinked and they were gone but Harry knew those eyes anywhere. "Ginny?" Harry croaked loosening his posture a little and looking around. Besides an owl and the insects of the forest, he was alone. There was no one around him though he couldn't help the feeling that he was being watched. Letting out a groan of pain as he moved, Harry finally sat up. He ran his hand through his hair and felt leaves and pine needles fall from his messy locks. Harry braced his arm on his leg and closed his eyes as he tried to think. Memories flashed through his mind's eye as he forced himself to relax. In the Great Hall after the battle, Harry had seen Ginny looking at him several times, words on her lips but never actually being uttered. And he remembered before he had gone into the forest. When Ginny looked right at him, seemingly through the invisibility cloak. He knew without having to ask that if she had seen him, she would not have let him go.

Perhaps he had a future with Ginny. Perhaps he could make her see that he was sorry about her brother. Maybe he could show her that he would do anything to fix it. If she asked him to, he'd go to the ends of the Earth to find Fred if he thought that would help. Deciding that if nothing else, it was worth a shot to try to convince her, Harry tried to get up. His legs were asleep though, so he just fell over sideways. Harry groaned in frustration and used his hands to readjust his legs so the blood would flow into his numb limbs. He lay there for a few moments, the tingling feeling slowly spreading, before he was able to slowly climb to his feet using a nearby tree for support.

As he did, his muscles screamed in protest at the movement after hours of staying in one position. Harry grimaced as he rose, but when he was stable on his feet, he looked around and realized that he was nowhere he recognized. He couldn't see Hogwarts or Hogsmeade from where he was. He was lost. Harry looked down at his wand. It would tell him where to go, but first he had to decide where he wanted to go. Hogwarts? Hogsmeade? The Burrow? Somewhere far away where he would be left alone and no one would know him...? Before Harry could again entertain that thought, he was interrupted.

"Harry Potter, the forest is not safe for you, even now."

Harry turned to look for who had spoken. He was somewhat surprised to see Firenze standing a few feet behind him. "Firenze," Harry greeted in a hoarse voice. Firenze nodded at him in greeting again and came closer. Harry wiped his face with the back of his uninjured hand and put his wand in his pocket.

"The people up at the castle are worried about you Harry Potter." Firenze told him coming closer.

Harry looked in the direction he thought the castle lay in and sighed, guilt on his face. "I didn't mean for them to get so worried," Harry sighed softly.

"Then why did you leave?" Firenze asked him.

Harry only could let his head hang in shame at that. The truth was that he wasn't thinking about anything when he had fled into the forest.

"Come, it is time you left this forest." Firenze told him as he beckoned to Harry.

Harry walked towards him, grimacing as his muscles were still tight. "Where am I?" Harry asked deciding he should make conversation.

"You are on my herd's lands." Firenze replied as he fell into step with Harry. "Several miles from the school," he added.

"Figures," Harry sighed to soft for the centaur to hear. He was somewhat aware of the centaur beside him studying him intently. It made Harry feel self conscious and he couldn't help but look down at himself. He was surprised to see all the tears in his clothing along with the cuts, scratches, and bruises littering his arms and legs. He could only imagine what his face looked like. From the look on Firenze's face, it couldn't be too good.

"Harry Potter, are you in pain?" Firenze asked him coming to a stop.

Harry could have laughed at that. Pain. Of course he was in pain. But the problem was, he wasn't sure it was a physical pain or emotional pain that was affecting him right now. He looked at his hand he had punched the wall with. There was dried cracked blood on it, surrounding the splinters of wood sticking out, but some were still oozing. There was also some pus on the deepest cut on his hand and the whole thing was dirty. Harry sighed, he'd have to see Pomfrey about it when he got back. Deciding he'd make the healer's (and his) life a little easier, Harry nodded. "A bit."

"Stay here." Firenze ordered Harry. Harry watched as the centaur walked away from him a ways. He bent his front two legs and Harry watched as Firenze picked some weeds from the ground. The centaur stood up and came back to Harry, the weeds in his hand. "Here. The leaves are a healing agent. We use them all the time. It will take the edge off."

Harry took the weed and studied it carefully before pulling off a leaf and sticking it in his mouth. As it grew wetter with his salvia, Harry could taste the bitter chemical in it being released. Soon, he was feeling better, the weight on his chest was lifted off of him enough that he could take a deep breath.

"Better?" Firenze asked looking at Harry.

Harry nodded appreciatively. "Thank you."

"It is the least I can do." Firenze told him dismissing his thanks. "Come, let us get you back to Hogwarts before your friends get lost in the forest themselves."

"That would be a good idea," Harry agreed softly.

Together, Harry and Firenze made their way through the forest. Harry couldn't help but remember the time when they had been alone together in the forest before. That time, Harry had been small enough to ride on Firenze's back and their passage was easier, not to mention faster. Harry didn't dare ask to ride, though he kind of wished he could. He was tired. The emotional upheaval he had gone through today, not to mention the run into the forest, had taken a large toll on Harry.

"A few years ago, Hagrid told me that your lands had been restricted by the Ministry again," Harry said suddenly. He wanted conversation as the silence was getting to him.

"Indeed it was," Firenze agreed.

"Are those restrictions still in place?" Harry asked cautiously.

"They are. Though I am confident that your new government will remove them soon enough."

"Oh," Harry said softly as he ducked a hanging branch. He had hoped that Firenze would give him a little more to discuss but he should have known better. Centaurs were notorious for being vague and indirect.

They walked a little bit farther until Firenze broke the silence this time. "Harry Potter, what will you do now?" Firenze asked him looking sideways at the young man next to him.

Harry walked a few paces in silence as he thought about a suitable answer for the Centaur. Finally, he settled on a question of his own instead. "I don't know. What do the stars say?" His tone implied that he was half joking but also serious.

Firenze regarded Harry for a moment before answering. "You do not have a predetermined path Harry Potter. You only have choices ahead of you."

"It was predetermined that I would be the one to fight Voldemort," Harry muttered somewhat rebelliously. He remembered having a conversation similar to this one with Dumbledore.

"You were the one with the power," Firenze agreed. "But that did not mean you had to take on Voldemort by yourself. You alone made your choices and you alone chose what you did up to now. It is the same for the path ahead of you. You will face forks in the road, but only you can know which you will take."

Harry didn't comment or say what he was really feeling – that Firenze was an idealist and Harry hadn't had a say in his life for years. As the two walking companions continued in silence for some time, Harry found himself still thinking about what Firenze had said. Firenze was right, but Harry still couldn't shake the feeling that he had never had a say in his life. Not until now anyways. And now that he could do as he pleased, he had no idea what he wanted to do.

It was a little while later that Firenze again broke the silence, this time with a curious tone of voice. "Harry Potter, why did you come so far into the forest?"

"I-," Harry looked up at the centaur in surprise. He hadn't expected him to ask a question, not to mention that question. "Well, I wasn't paying attention actually. I was trying to get away."

"Away from what?" Firenze pressed.

"My emotions I suppose," Harry said after a moment. He had the feeling that Firenze wouldn't drop this subject.

"But humans enjoy emotions. Why would you be running from yours?"

"Because some emotions hurt," Harry answered him softly. "Because some are so intense that you don't want to feel them. Because they make you realize the truth when that truth is something you don't want to see or hear."

"And what truth did you discover?" Firenze asked him.

Harry looked at the centaur for a moment, debating on whether or not he should tell him. Firenze stopped and looked at Harry, his eyes boring into Harry's. Finally Harry gave in. "That I'm responsible. That I still love Ginny and I want to be with her. That I want to try and have a life with her but that I probably never will."

Firenze cocked his head after a second. His eyes were curious but there was also a glint of surprise and determination in them. "Why do you think that Harry Potter? What makes you say you won't have a life with Ginny Weasley?"

"Her brother is dead," Harry replied tersely. "I never wanted Fred to get hurt. I never wanted anyone to get hurt! It's my fault they died. She'll never want to see me again."

"You sound convinced of that." Firenze stated as he started walking again.

Harry watched him a second before following. "That's how it is. No matter how much I want it to be false."

"Harry Potter, you are not responsible for anyone's death except for those you killed." Firenze told him.

"That's comforting," Harry snorted. That was the problem, he had killed those people. He may not have pointed his wand at them and said the fatal words, but he had killed them by not going to Voldemort any sooner. By taking his bloody time to find the fucking Horcrux.

"You misunderstand me Harry Potter," Firenze told him shaking his head. "You are -." Firenze didn't get any farther as Harry fell forward. He had managed to trip on a large rock sticking up from the ground as he was looking around him with some surprise. He remembered this clearing. They were on the edge of it, the same edge that Harry himself had emerged from when he came to face Voldemort in the woods. Harry let out a hiss of pain as his injured hand took the brunt of the fall.

"Harry Potter, are you alright?" Firenze asked coming to a halt as Harry slowly picked himself up, a blush on his face.

"Yes, fine. That rock came out of nowhere." Harry tried to pass it off as a joke. Rather unsuccessfully.

Firenze just looked at him confused. "The rock has always been there." He paused for a moment as Harry shook his head realizing he never should have tried to joke with a centaur. "But you humans are rather clumsy on your two legs." Firenze continued but his tone was serious and his voice never changed pitch.

Harry looked at him owlishly for a second, unsure as to what to say. Luckily, or rather unluckily, he was saved by the arrival of two more centaurs. Harry looked down quickly to hide his eye roll as he recognized Bane and Ronan. As he looked towards the ground, Harry's eye caught a faint shimmer on the ground. A black, smooth rock was on the ground – faintly familiar. Harry reached out and picked it up but couldn't inspect it as the new centaurs started speaking to him.

"Harry Potter, why do you disturb our home? Does your kind not leave anyone in peace?"

Harry shoved the stone in his pocket and looked at Ronan. "Excuse me?" Harry's tone conveyed his surprise and uncertainty.

"Your hearing is not damaged," Bane exclaimed angrily. "Answer his question."

"There is no need for your tone." Firenze tried to argue.

"Hold your tongue Firenze. Your time among them as made you soft. You know as well as any of us that these humans are ungrateful and arrogant."

"Hold on," Harry tried to interject. "I was unaware I'm on your territory. I had gone into the forest looking for solitude. Firenze found me and is showing me the way back to Hogwarts. As for the remark about arrogant and ungrateful, well, I can say with certainty that several of us are but I do not know what you are referring to."

"Do not take us as fools Harry Potter. You are an important figure in your society – surely you know what treaties and boundaries your people have with other magical creatures."

"I'm afraid you have a higher opinion of me than my own government." Harry told the centaurs shrugging slightly.

"Firenze, show him to his friends before they run afoul of anymore of our lands." Ronan ordered Firenze before turning and leaving quickly.

"You should leave the forest before you are harmed." Bane told Harry finally before turning away and leaving as well.

Harry raised his eyes at the retreating centaurs. "What was that about?"

"Your friends are searching for you Harry Potter. My kind are private creatures who enjoy solitude. They have been disturbed while stargazing by your friends." Firenze explained.

Harry nodded in understanding. He knew the centaurs valued stargazing. He knew what they could divine from it – never mind he had no patience for it. The two continued, Harry sucking on yet another leaf. They were making him feel better and staving off the exhaustion threatening to overcome him. He was starting to stumble more and more though. Finally, Harry was having trouble climbing over a fallen tree trunk.

"Firenze!" He called hoarsely.

Firenze turned back to see Harry nearing collapse from his wounds and exhaustion. The plant he had given him was supposed to numb pain and stave off exhaustion for a time. However, when they wore off, they brought the subject even closer to actually collapsing. Harry must have been in more pain and more tired than he had originally thought. As he helped the wizard climb over the log, he hoped they found the others soon – Harry would soon collapse.

Probably twenty minutes later, they came over the crest of a small hill. Below them, three people were headed in their direction. They were far away, but Harry could recognize them from anywhere. Hagrid was in the lead, tracking, behind him was McGonagall, her wand held aloft, light coming from it to light the way and the area around them. Beside her strode Bill, his wand also held aloft, alight. Both were watching Hagrid, but they kept turning to look out in the forest too. Once, Bill used his wand to do a point me spell. When he did, the three stopped to watch the progress and saw that it pointed directly ahead of them. They looked up to survey the terrain they would have to cross next but instead saw Harry and Firenze standing on the top of the hill, looking down at them.


	4. Into the Forest, Part II

**The 19 Years Book 1: The Art of Healing**

**Chapter**: 4 – Into the Forest II

**Date**: June 1998

**Author's** **Note**: This takes place as the same time as Chapter 3, but from mostly McGonagall's point of view. Thanks for your reviews so far. Keep reading!

_**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the original characters!**_

McGonagall was worried. Harry had disappeared quite some time ago. Normally, someone always had a general location on Harry. It allowed them to keep an eye on the boy. The gates of Hogwarts were hounded everyday by reporters, trying to get a glimpse of Harry. McGonagall had been asked several times by reporters to enter the castle grounds to interview Harry. They all wanted to be the first to claim the glory of Harry's interview. Each and every time, McGonagall denied them access.

"Pomona," McGonagall called as she drew even with the Herbology professor and Hufflepuff Head of House. "Have you found anything?" As she knew the Hogwarts' grounds the best out of all the other professors, McGonagall had asked her to check the grounds for signs of Harry.

"Nothing Minerva," Sprout answered shaking her head. "Did you feel him leave the grounds?"

As Headmistress of Hogwarts, the wards told her if any student had left the grounds. The problem was, Harry was no longer a student. He was of age and it was the summer. McGonagall shook her head and Sprout pursed her lips. "No. You know how the wards work."

"Well it was a good idea." Sprout said softly before the two women were joined by Flitwick.

"Filius, please tell me you found something," was McGonagall's greeting.

"Sorry Minerva, but he's not in the castle. We've run a full scan."

McGonagall closed her eyes and let out a breath. "Ok, so the castle has been searched and the grounds have been too. That means he's either in Hogsmeade or in the forest." The professors paled at the mention of the forest.

"There isn't a full moon for another two weeks," Sprout rushed to assure them, though her tone did the opposite.

"Alright, we need to look in the village and the forest. How many people do we have to undertake that?" McGonagall asked her two heads.

"Not enough," Sprout told her right away. "If we are going to do both, we need more people."

McGonagall's lips became a thin line.

"Minerva, get the Weasleys. They can help and be discreet." Sprout chided her gently.

"Do it Minerva. We will need the help." Flitwick added nodding.

McGonagall looked at her two Heads of House in defiance for a moment before she realized they were right. "Alright, I'll go get them. Filius, please get the others together and organized. Pomona, if you'll help."

"Of course." Sprout agreed. "And Minerva, don't let Molly give you a hard time, just get them here."

McGonagall nodded in agreement and quickly headed for her office.

~19 Years AOH~

It had been several hours since Harry had raced out the door. He had not yet returned to the castle and night was falling. Mentally she kicked herself. She should have gone after him. Sighing, McGonagall made her decision. She crossed to the Floo and threw in a handful of the powder. "The Burrow!" McGonagall shouted.

McGonagall arrived it the Weasley's sitting room to see all the Weasleys gathered there. They looked up at her in surprise. Hermione and Ron, she noticed half amused and half relieved, stood up right away. They had a look on their face and McGonagall knew that they knew why she was here. "Minerva!" Molly cried in surprise. "What brings you here?"

"I'm terribly sorry for the intrusion Molly, Arthur," McGonagall answered. "But I'm afraid I need your help."

"What's happened?" Ron asked immediately.

"Where's Harry?" Hermione asked at the same time.

"I'm afraid Mr. Potter left Hogwarts' grounds two hours ago and has not been seen since."

"What?!" Molly cried in surprise. "How could you let him just disappear?"

"He doesn't not need a minder Molly," Minerva shot at her. "He is not a criminal to be watched every second."

"No, he's just a scared, grieving boy!" Molly snarled.

Arthur stepped in before the argument really started. "Molly, we can argue later. Percy, will you stay here and keep an eye on things?" Arthur asked his son as his eyes slid to George.

Percy nodded. "Of course."

"Good. Let's go." Arthur followed McGonagall through the fire and back to Hogwarts. First thing he noticed were the people in the Hall. All the teachers who had stayed to help with rebuilding were there along with Hagrid and even members of the repair crew.

"Everyone in teams of three!" Flitwick ordered.

"Alright, listen up!" McGonagall barked when everyone got themselves organized. "Three teams will search Hogsmeade. Do it discretely! Others will do the grounds and the rest the Forbidden Forest. If you find him, bring him back here and use a patronus to alert the others."

Everyone quickly took off and started searching their area. McGonagall entered the Forbidden Forest with Hagrid and Bill Weasley. He had volunteered to search with the other two immediately. They were the best to go into the Forest because Hagrid knew the Forest best and McGonagall could control most of the creatures inside.

The three found a path that Hagrid said was a bit odd and not likely made by anything living in the Forest. As they followed the path, Bill couldn't help but think that who or whatever made this path must have been in pain. There was no real reason to the path, just that it got deeper into the Forest.

They had been traveling for a long time, getting deeper and deeper into the Forest. Bill looked around, getting more and more convinced that the path they were following belonged to a wounded animal of some sort rather than Harry.

"You don't think he came this deep do you?" Bill asked his old head of house finally voicing his concern they were going the wrong way.

"I don't know. Harry has been nothing but a shell of late. Perhaps he didn't realize how deep into the forest he had come." McGonagall replied after a moment. She was also hesitant to admit that they were following the right path but she also knew that Harry was not exactly himself these days.

"This trail may not even be his." Bill pointed out hopefully.

"I'd say so," Hagrid replied looking around. At Bill's suspicious look, he explained. "The trail was made by someone of his size."

"So do you think we're close?" McGonagall asked hopefully turning to look at her friend.

"I can'ta tell," Hagrid replied shrugging a bit. "But the path is on'ly 'ours ol'd."

"Let's keep going," McGonagall said and they continued on the path. After a little more time passed, Bill took out his wand and used a point me spell. On the Hogwarts grounds, the spell wouldn't work thanks to the wards in place, but this deep in the forest it should unless he Centaurs had some sort of interference. As the other two realized what he was doing, they gathered to watch the result.

To Bill's relief, it worked. And it pointed straight ahead of them. They followed the direction to survey the terrain only to see something unexpected at the top of the hill in front of them.

"Harry!" Bill called in surprise and relief. Harry stood there with Firenze, covered in dirt, sweat, and blood. He was pale and unsteady on his feet but he was alive.

Bill crossed the distance between them in seconds, beating Hagrid who looked like he was about to wrap Harry in one of his massive bone breaking hugs.

"We've been so worried!" Bill cried as he grabbed the younger man's shoulders.

Harry allowed a small smile to cross his features before his eyes rolled backwards and he collapsed. Bill caught him easily and looked down at him worriedly. "Harry?" Bill asked worriedly as he pulled the younger man closer to him.

"He'll be ok," Firenze assured them. "But he does need medical attention."

"What happened to him?" McGonagall demanded putting a hand on her student's forehead.

"He was found on our lands. Young Harry Potter has been through a lot."

"You can say that again, he looks like he got into a fight of some sort." Bill said looking closely at Harry's many wounds.

"I believe his flight through the forest was a little more careless than intended. As to his fist, I am not sure of how that came about." Firenze answered. The others looked at what Firenze was referring to and saw that it was bloody, embedded with wood splinters, and obviously infected.

"I gave Harry Potter several herbs when I found him. They stopped the bleeding and numbed whatever pain he had. However they have worn off and caused his exhaustion to come back tenfold."

McGonagall nodded in understanding. "We need to get him to Pomfrey." She looked back at Firenze. "You and I need to talk later."

Firenze inclined his head indicating that he would come. Bill stood up with Harry cradled in his arms like a young child. He looked at McGonagall shrewdly, "can I apparate to Hogwarts?"

McGonagall allowed a bare hint of a smile show at that and nodded once. "Directly to the Hospital Wing. Poppy should be waiting for us."

Bill nodded and then turned and was gone with a swish of his robes. McGonagall turned to Hagrid and Firenze. "Come on back to Hogwarts and tell anyone you encounter that we found Harry." Hagrid nodded and assured her that he would. McGonagall apparated a moment later.

She arrived in the hospital wing to see Poppy already at work. She had stayed behind in case of an emergency like this. Bill was standing back a little, watching the healer work. McGonagall adopted a similar position. Poppy was muttering the whole time as she waved her wand and uncorked potion bottles.

"What happened this time?" She asked as she pulled off Harry's shirt and exposed more bruises and cuts.

McGonagall couldn't suppress the gasp when she saw the nasty purple bruise on Harry's chest. "From what he can tell, Harry took a run through the Forest." She explained harshly.

Madam Pomfrey shook her head. "Only Harry," her tone was somewhat exasperated but also fondly. She continued her healing and both Bill and McGonagall noticed that she didn't heal the nasty bruise on Harry's chest.

"Poppy, what about the bruise?" McGonagall asked pointing to it.

Pomfrey sparred it a glance. "It's healing nicely, albeit slowly. Ah, there was a cut there," she added looking closer at it and seeing a thin cut that was slowly healing and in the shape of a lightning bolt.

At McGonagall's perplexed look, Pomfrey sighed. "Well what did you expect? The boy was hit by the Killing Curse. It had to leave some mark. Last time, it split his forehead. We're lucky it didn't do the same to his chest."

"That's from the Killing Curse?" McGonagall asked confounded. Pomfrey just nodded. McGonagall shook herself and stayed out of the healer's way. She only worked for about twenty minutes. The cuts and wounds on Harry were not life threatening. And it turned out he was weak due to exhaustion and lack of food. Pomfrey doused him with a few nutrition potions and a dreamless sleep. They were just tucking him in when the Weasleys burst in.

"How's Harry?" They demanded at once.

"He'll be fine after some rest," Pomfrey assured them. "He's sleeping now and will be for several hours."

"What about his wounds?" Molly started catching sight of Harry on the bed behind Pomfrey.

"All taken care of. They looked worse than they actually are." Pomfrey explained. "He was mostly exhausted and hungry."

Molly looked at the sleeping young man and then turned to glare at McGonagall when she was satisfied Harry was not going anywhere. Her glare told McGonagall the other woman was not happy. "Minerva," Molly began angrily.

"Come on Molly." McGonagall answered cutting her off and leading her out of the wing. Ron and Hermione took one look at Molly and drew up chairs beside Harry's bed. They didn't want to get in the middle of that can of worms. As soon as the door closed, Molly started yelling.

"What the hell has been going on here?" She demanded of the Headmistress.

"Harry has been through a lot lately-." McGonagall started to explain.

"I know that! We all have! But that's no excuse to stop eating! You were supposed to protect him!" Molly accused putting her hands on her hips.

"I did what I could! I didn't want to push him into anything. It was the last thing he needed!" McGonagall retorted.

"It was exactly what he needed!" Molly countered. "If he was with me-,"

"He _wasn't_ with you Molly. He was here and it was here that he has started to deal with what happened."

"He hasn't started to deal with it! Ron and Hermione said he's been a zombie!" Molly countered growing redder.

"Ron and Hermione did not see him in the forest. Something woke Harry up." McGonagall countered.

"You'll forgive me if I don't necessarily take your word for it." Molly retorted angrily.

"Molly, trust me." McGonagall said folding her arms. True Harry hadn't exactly said anything but McGonagall had seen something in Harry's eyes before he collapsed. It was something she hadn't seen in him for some time. A fire had rekindled in those brilliant green eyes.

Molly glared at her a moment before turning to the ward. "I want someone with him at all times."

"I'm not putting my staff in that position. Harry needs time to grieve his own way." McGonagall shook her head firmly.

"Harry needs his family around him!" Molly countered angrily. "And you don't have too. I'll get my, _his_, family to do it."

"He won't thank you for it," McGonagall warned. She knew how stubborn Molly was and how protective of Harry she was. Molly was set on doing this and short of sealing the castle, Minerva couldn't stop her.

"He will eventually," Molly replied entering the ward again.

McGonagall shook her head before going to her quarters. She had some time before Harry awoke. Hopefully he wouldn't take news of a baby sitter too badly.


	5. The Makeup

**The 19 Years Book 1: The Art of Healing**

**Chapter**: 5 – The Make Up

**Date**: June, 1998

**Author's** **Note**: I know I am a day late uploading. Sorry! It's super busy at work and I've been getting a lot of overtime. So bare with me for a little bit would you. Thanks for all the great reviews so far!

_**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the original characters!**_

Harry cracked an eye open to see who his sitter was this shift. Molly Weasley and Madam Pomfrey had refused to leave him alone since he had been found in the Forbidden Forest with Firenze all bloody and bruised. He appreciated the concern the two women were showing over him, but he preferred to be alone. He didn't want the Weasleys see him crying, or just being weak. He needed to mourn, but he couldn't do that in front of Bill, Charlie, or Percy. It was just awkward. Ron and Hermione would understand but still Harry didn't want them to see him like this. So he was surprised when he saw the youngest Weasley curled up in the chair next to his bed.

Ginny was fast asleep, in what looked like an extremely uncomfortable position. Her head lay on her knees which she had pulled up to her chest, and her arms were holding onto her legs like they were her lifeline. She was tense, even in sleep, and Harry could tell that she was in a very light sleep. Harry sat up and reached out for her – intending to pull her into the bed next to him so she could at least sleep comfortably – but stopped before he actually touched her. Officially, he and Ginny were broken up. She was probably just here to keep an eye on him so that Molly's fears were assuaged. Harry let out a soft sigh, wondering what on earth he was going to do now. For all he knew, she had moved on during the last year. He couldn't really expect her to wait for him. That wouldn't be fair to her. He had no right to think that she would still want him. He had left her, hoping that she would be safer without him, but he had still left her.

Harry settled back into his pillows and just looked at Ginny's face. There was absolute sorrow in the lines of her face, softened only by sleep. Fred's death was still raw, still an open wound for all the Weasleys and also for Harry. In his heart, he knew he was responsible for Fred's death. If only he had gone to Voldemort earlier, Remus, Tonks, Fred, everyone would still be alive. Harry felt water on his cheeks and realized that he was crying. The fact that Ginny was right there didn't bother him nearly as much as if it were Hermione or another Weasley. Harry turned his head from Ginny, even though she was still asleep, and let his tears flow. He kept his sobs silent as he didn't want to wake her, but his shoulders shook violently. The release of emotion felt good. It was something Harry needed.

Unbeknownst to Harry, Ginny was awake. She knew that Harry hated that her family was here, watching him. She knew that he needed to get his feelings out. It was the only way he would start to heal. Everyone thought he was crazy for going in the Forbidden Forest alone, but Ginny knew that something had happened to Harry in the last two days. Something had punched through that hard, impenetrable shell Harry had formed around him. Something potent had woken Harry up. She had come with Ron and Hermione the last time they had come to see him. They had hoped that seeing her would awaken Harry. She had stared into those dull green eyes and realized that nothing was going to get through to him.

Harry's eyes had scared her. He had stared right at her but not actually seen her. He had listened in silence to her gentle cajoling and then harsh yells. When she had yelled herself hoarse, Harry had just blinked and walked around her, heading off to a deeper part of the castle where he started working on more repairs. It had broken her heart to see how much Harry had fallen. She had sunk to her knees and cried as she was finally overwhelmed with emotions. Not only about her worry for Harry, but also the conflicting emotions from the last time she was at Hogwarts. She and her friends had been tortured in these very halls. Unable to stand it longer, she had fled the castle halls to the grounds where Ron and Hermione had found her and taken her back to the Burrow. She had closed herself in her room for the rest of the night, not speaking to anyone and trying to get a handle on her emotions. She had spent that night crying and thinking. When she had finally buried the feelings about her last year at Hogwarts, she focused on Harry. And she came to a painful, but important decision. She would go to the school and help Harry. She was willing to bear everything that had happened to be near Harry and try to break through that impenetrable shell he had put up. Just as she had tried to sell her parents on the idea, Harry disappeared into the forest. And he had apparently saved himself.

Yes he wasn't healed. He clearly had a long way to go. But the first step was mourning. Ginny knew he was a very private person, and Harry hated the fact that he was surrounded constantly by the Weasleys. She knew he needed the space to mourn and now, after all this time, he was finally allowing himself to do so. Ginny had volunteered to watch Harry because she knew he needed to be alone. She hoped that she could at least comfort him when he finally needed it. She had seen the look in Harry's eyes when her mother told him that he wouldn't be left alone. Bill, Charlie, and Percy had all taken their turns and reported back to their mother that Harry ate what he was brought, slept, but hardly chatted with them when they tried to start a conversation. He had seemed to be on the mend, but everyone was worried about him again since he wasn't talking. Only Ron, Hermione, and Ginny knew better. They remembered him after Sirius' and Cedric's deaths. They knew that he had to get it out of his system but that Harry would hate to do it in front of an audience. When they were together, she had seen that Harry didn't even really like Ron knowing how he was feeling. Ron and Hermione had tried to fight Molly on her decision, but she had stayed firm. Harry needed watching, or so she believed. As Ron and Hermione made it clear they wouldn't intrude on their best friend's privacy, the two were forbidden to be here alone. Ginny had stayed out of it and saw what had happened to her brother and friend.

Now, she was free to pretend to watch Harry but actually give him the space he needed. She knew that most of the time that Bill and the others said Harry was sleeping he was actually pretending. So, she decided to use that tactic on him. Besides that, Ginny was getting a little overwhelmed being in the shadow of Hogwarts herself. With nothing but silence around her, she sometimes thought she heard the sickening and cruel laughter of the Carrows or the pain filled screams of her friends as they were tortured by the Slytherins and the Carrows. Ginny had drawn her legs up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them in an effort to keep herself warm as she felt cold sitting here. The memories of her recent past were threatening to play out in front of her again. She wanted to stay away from them. She wanted to keep them at bay. So she kept her eyes locked on Harry. Right up until a second ago when she finally snapped them shut. She heard Harry wake from a nightmare. She had watched him, absolutely mortified at what he was probably seeing in his dreams and wanted to reach out and wake him, but something told her to wait. It was lucky she did. Harry woke a second later with a start but hardly moving. His eyes had just snapped open. As Ginny pretended to sleep, she felt his eyes on her for a moment. A few seconds passed where Ginny forced her breathing to be even in order to maintain the ruse before she finally heard the rustling of his bed sheets. Ginny opened her eyes to see Harry facing away from her, curled into a ball, and shoulders shaking as silent sobs escaped him.

Ginny felt her heart break at the sight and knew immediately what he needed. Hell, she needed it too at this point. She got out of her chair, a little stiffly because she had been sitting that way for so long, and crawled into bed with him. Harry stiffened momentarily at her touch, but slowly started to relax as Ginny whispered soothing words to him.

"It's alright Harry. I'm here."

Tears glistened in her eyes as she repeated the words, trying to soothe Harry and herself at the same time. She knew there was no one in the castle that wanted to hurt either of them, but it didn't stop her from feeling that way.

~19 Years AOH~

"It's alright Harry. I'm here." Ginny's soft and gentle voice reached him through his cloud of sorrow. Harry felt her arms wrap around his chest and pull him close to her. She was incredibly warm and soft. Harry shook his head, resisting at first, not wanting her to see him like this. He couldn't stop his tears though, however much he wanted to.

"Let it out Harry," Ginny whispered. "I'm here."

Harry rolled over to face her and a new wave of sobs escaped him as he saw the care and love in her eyes as she gazed at him. He also saw the moisture of unshed tears in her own eyes staring back at him. It was so unfair! He had lost so much already and the thought that he might lose this too was unbearable. Harry didn't know if he could survive having this level of comfort from Ginny and then have it taken away from him. He shook his head and tried to back away from Ginny. Ginny just tightened her arms around his waist and shook her head.

"No you don't! You're not going anywhere!" She growled fiercely but gently at him.

"I-I… can't't…" Harry tried to tell her, his voice hoarse from crying.

"Can't what Harry?" Ginny asked determined to get to the bottom of this now that Harry was actually being responsive.

"You-… I- I…" Harry stuttered trying to get what he was feeling out but being unable to. His eyes were so filled with emotion that Ginny thought he was going to explode.

"Harry," Ginny whispered, a smile on her face though her eyes were still sad, "you can talk to me. It's alright."

Harry swallowed and tried to pull himself together. Tears still leaked out of his eyes but he forced himself to gather his thoughts to form a coherent sentence. Ginny deserved that much from him at least. "I'm sorry Ginny," Harry began, his throat tight and constricted. He opened his mouth to say something else but then paused and shook his head. He couldn't do it. If Ginny had moved on like he thought, then he had no right to take this comfort being offered. "No." He shook his head and began to push her away.

Ginny was alarmed at the sudden change. She saw the anguish in his eyes as he started to push her away from him. Ginny refused to budge though and sat up. "Harry Potter!" She chided him, drawing his attention back to her. Her heart was in her throat as she gazed at the man she had long loved. If he withdrew back into that shell now, if he pushed her away from him now, she wasn't sure she could come back. Hogwarts was driving her insane, but she had pushed it aside to be here for him. She had pushed aside her feelings, thoughts, and memories from the past in order to come and comfort him. In order to be with him. She was unsure, no, she was positive that she wouldn't be able to do that again. It had cost her so much to do it this time.

Harry saw that he couldn't push her away and instead started to get up from his bed. He would leave then. He had thought about it all day when Percy was here. It would be best for everyone if he left the Wizarding world all together. He had done his job, his destiny was complete. He had nothing else to contribute to this world. He would leave here and perhaps go to America where he could live in peace – and not be responsible for hurting his friends any longer. He had fulfilled his destiny and there was nothing left for him here anymore.

Ginny saw sudden resolve in his eyes and knew that if she let him leave now, she would never see him again. She jumped up from the bed and grabbed Harry's wrist. "Where do you think you're going?" She demanded. Anger, hurt, concern, and fear filled her tone.

The fear in her voice made Harry stop. "Ginny, please, let me go." Harry's voice was filled with grief but also pleading. He wouldn't look at her and kept his head turned.

"Look at me Harry." Ginny asked him tugging on his wrist ever so slightly. Harry sighed deeply and closed his eyes. "Please Harry, please look at me," Ginny pleaded softly. Again her eyes started to moisten and she took a deep breath to hold back the emotions threatening to overwhelm her.

It was something in her voice that Harry heard and couldn't ignore. Against his will, his head turned and his eyes opened to stare down into Ginny's warm chocolate ones. Ginny kept one hand on his wrist but the other came up and cupped his cheek. "Why?"

It was a simple question and a simple answer would suffice, but Harry found he couldn't leave her while looking at her like this. If there was anyone in this world who deserved something from him, it was her. Words came spilling out of Harry before he realized what he was saying.

"Because I love you Ginny and I can't go through another rejection. I can't lose you too after everything that's happened. Because with me gone, you'll all be safe. I was responsible for Fred's death. For Remus and Tonks! For Teddy having to grow up without his parents!" Harry's voice was rising now as he let it all out. "I can't be the person everyone wants me to be! They all expect me to be happy now that Voldemort is gone!" Harry paused and took a deep breath before continuing softer now. "I always thought I would die Gin. I never once thought that I would survive Voldemort… I never thought I'd get a family of my own… a life of my own." He looked at her with sad emerald eyes and his expression was heart wrenching.

"I don't know what to do now! I'm lost. Everyone is dead. I've hurt everyone else. You, your parents, everyone! Everyone I'm around gets hurt somehow. I've lost track of how many times Ron and Hermione were in the hospital wing because of my actions. Cedric is dead because of me. Hermione," Harry's voice cracked and he closed his eyes and took a deep breath before letting the rest out. "Hermione was tortured by Bellatrix because of me. S-Sirius is dead because of me."

Harry's voice cracked and he sat on the bed nearest him, his head falling into his hands as Ginny looked at him completely at a loss for words. She had no idea that he felt this way. That he blamed himself for _everything_.

"If I just leave, everyone will be better off. You don't deserve me. You deserve someone who can make you happy." Harry told her finally resting his eyes with hers. "I'm sorry Ginny."

He stood up and took two steps towards the door before Ginny could speak. "HARRY JAMES POTTER! YOU STOP RIGHT THERE!" She bellowed. Harry froze, more out of surprise than anything else. Ginny stalked around him and stood between him and the door. She folded her arms and glared at him. "You think that we all fought fucking Voldemort because of _you_? You think that Remus and Tonks gave up their lives for you? You think that it's your fault that Cedric and Sirius are dead?" Ginny's eyes were alive with fiery anger. "You're an arse Harry Potter! You're a complete fool!" She took a step forward and jabbed his chest with her finger as she hissed her next words. "_You didn't kill them_! We didn't fight this for _you_! _Fred_ didn't die for _you_!"

Ginny backed up a step and withdrew her finger. Harry was looking at her with some bewilderment and astonishment. "Fred died because of what he believed in. Fred was fighting for him, for everyone. He wasn't about to risk his life for a be-speckled git who snogged his baby sister!" Her choice of words made Harry realize that she was quoting her brother. "Remus and Tonks were fighting to make sure the world that Teddy grew up in is safe and peaceful! Free of Voldemort!"

At her words, Harry remembered what Remus had said in the forest. "_I'm sorry too. Sorry I will never know him… but he will know why I died and I hope he will understand. I was trying to make a world in which he could live a happier life._"

Harry sat back on the bed behind him, slowly as he watched Ginny.

Ginny continued on her rant, starting to pace now, as Harry raised his head to look at her, a new light in his eyes. "Sirius knew what was happening at the Ministry! He knew what he was walking into! And Cedric," Her voice softened somewhat as she stopped and looked at Harry. "Cedric was murdered by Voldemort."

She resumed her pacing now as she continued to yell at him. "You're a fool if you think otherwise. If you really think that everyone died for _you_ than you are a selfish git! And you're right! I don't deserve you! I deserve the man that sacrificed everything to save his friends and family! I deserve the man that learned to get up when life knocked him down and keep going! I deserve the Harry Potter I fell in love with! I did not wait for you this whole year just so you could _leave_. I did not _survive_ this last year so that you could become some emotionless shell who leaves after everything we've, _I've_, gone through." Ginny growled the last part as she glared at Harry.

Harry looked at her in awe. He had listened to what she had said, but only a few things stood out to him. "You waited for me?" His tone was as hopeful as he could get right now.

Ginny stopped her pacing and looked at Harry. His glimmer of hope was clear on his face and his eyes had a small spark in them. She realized that she had actually gotten through to him. Ginny nodded slowly and came close to Harry. She knelt in front of him, her hands wrapping around his. She had to look up to look into his eyes as she spoke. She swallowed and pushed aside all emotions but her love of Harry.

"Of course I waited for you, you git," she rebuked softly. "You have always been the only one I'd wait for."

Harry's heart rose at her words. He felt a bit of the cloud of depression he had sunk into lift. If Ginny loved him after everything he had done, well, there just might be hope for him yet. He leaned in and kissed Ginny. Gently and slowly at first, just savoring the taste and feel of her lips with his. Then it grew passionate and heated, both Ginny and Harry relieved that the other still wanted them. After what felt like years, Harry broke it off and pulled Ginny into an embrace.

"I'm so sorry Ginny," he whispered softly. "So sorry."

"Oh Harry," her voice was a whisper as well, tightening her hug. "I know you're just a noble git who thinks he's responsible for everyone's safety." Her tone was half teasing, half a rebuke. Harry grinned sadly and held her close.

"Promise me that you will not leave me when the first Death Eater comes looking for you to fulfill some stupid grudge." Ginny demanded as she held onto Harry.

Harry looked at her with some surprise. Of course some Death Eaters had escaped the final battle and he was probably going to be their first target now.

"I can take care of myself Harry Potter." She reminded him when Harry didn't respond right away. "I had my practice this last year." She said so softly that he almost didn't hear her.

They hadn't moved but he felt Ginny stiffen – getting ready to yell at him again. Harry knew that he could never leave her again. Not willingly. "I will always feel overprotective of you Ginny," Harry told her. "But I promise you, I will never willingly leave you again Ginevra Weasley. _You_ are _my_ life now."

He felt Ginny relax against him and knew without seeing that she was smiling. "Good enough for me." She whispered kissing him again. Harry returned the kiss eagerly, finally feeling a glimmer of happiness seeping into him. The two broke apart and Ginny touched the circles under Harry's eyes. "Get some sleep Potter," she ordered softly.

"Yes ma'am," Harry replied pulling her closer to him as he repositioned so they were more comfortable. Ginny let out a breath of contentment and relief as she felt Harry's strong arms wrap around her. A weight in her heart lifted as she realized that she had gotten through to him. Not only was Harry not leaving, but everything she put herself through to be here for him, was worth it. She could feel Harry falling asleep by the rhythm of his breathing against her neck and the way his body had finally relaxed. She snuggled deeper into his embrace and prayed that for once, fate would give her a break and let her sleep in this place with Harry and be at peace. She slowly breathed out, relaxing herself and closing her eyes. Eventually, Ginny fell asleep, where no screams, cries of torture, or visions of battle waited for her. Just the darkness of sleep.

~19 Years AOH~

Then next morning, Ginny slowly woke up to see green eyes looking at her. She smiled softly at Harry, remembering why she was in bed with him. He looked incredibly better she noticed suddenly. The dark circles under his eyes had lessened to be a dull purple and his eyes were a little bit brighter.

"Thank you Ginny," he whispered to her and kissed her nose.

"For what exactly?" Ginny asked softly snuggling into his chest content for the moment.

"For waiting," Harry said after a moment, his head resting on her shoulder. "And for finally giving me a night of sleep," he added softly.

Ginny's eyes widened in surprise as his words registered. Only now did she realize that she also had had no nightmares either. And she was sleeping in the place where her nightmares most often took place. Ginny grinned at him, relieved beyond words at the gift that she had given him but that he had also returned. Harry sighed contentedly when the door banged open, admitting an arguing Ron and Bill Weasley.

"I don't need a babysitter to see my best friend!" Ron shouted at his oldest brother.

"It's not for you Ron," Bill pointed out sounding like he had said this line several times before.

"I'm his best friend! I know what he needs!" Ron angrily told him.

"And what exactly is that?" Bill asked crossing his arms.

Ginny and Harry sprang apart as they saw who entered. Ginny jumped off the bed and Harry actually fell off as he tried to put as much distance between himself and Ginny as he could. The commotion caught the two Weasley boys' notice and they came to a stop at the end of the bed looking between Ginny and Harry with incredulous looks on their faces. Their argument forgotten, Ron and Bill looked first at Harry who was on the floor to Ginny whose shoulders were starting to shake with laughter at Harry.

"What's going on here?" Bill asked looking at his sister. He didn't expect an answer from Harry. They younger man had barely given him two words when he was here last time and he didn't expect much of an improvement yet.

"Sorry," Harry answered as he got up. "I'm afraid I fell out of bed at Ginny's ridiculous question this morning."

Bill stared at Harry gobsmacked as he noticed that there was actually a small twinkle in those brilliant green eyes as he spoke. Ginny started actually laughing as Ron bellowed with approval.

"Harry! Welcome back mate!" He roared as he pulled Harry into a hug, not caring that someone might think it unmanly. Harry returned the hug with a small sad grin and just nodded at his best friend.

"I didn't actually go anywhere Ron." Harry muttered softly.

"You've had it rough for awhile there. We understand. Hermione will be ecstatic to hear you're better." Ron said waving Harry's statement aside.

"I wasn't actually sick Ron," Harry pointed out softly and with a hint of guilt in his eyes.

"Harry," Ron's tone was soft. Now Bill was looking at his youngest brother in surprise. Ron was never like this. Clearly he had grown up a bit as well. "It's alright." He patted Harry's shoulder before turning and heading out of the ward. "I promised I'd let Hermione know the minute you were better!"

Bill watched Ron go before realizing that Harry and Ginny were looking at him now with amused expressions on their faces. He still had his mouth open as he processed the turn of events. He snapped it shut and gave Harry his best older brother stare which he was pleased to see had Harry turning a shade of red. "Just what exactly were doing with my sister Harry?"

His tone was threatening, just as he wanted it to be. Sick, in mourning or not, Harry had left Ginny. He had to answer for that. Ginny had been so down about it for so long that she deserved some sort of answer for his behavior. Harry had the grace to look ashamed, but only for a moment. He glanced at Ginny (and Bill did too) to see that she actually had an understanding look on her face. "I know I could have done better by Ginny -,"

"Damn right you could have!" Bill growled. He wasn't going to let Harry off the hook so easily. "She was a wreck because of you! You never tried to contact her. You just left her alone!"

"What did you want me to do Bill?" Harry shot back letting anger color his tone. "A letter was pretty much out of the question! She was at Hogwarts, under the Carrows' noses!"

"There were the DA coins," Ginny put in softly. She had been hurt that Harry hadn't tried to let her know he was ok. And she had frequently pulled hers out to see if Harry had sent her anything. Once in awhile, during really tough days, she had hoped that he would send something, just to let her know he was still alive out there.

Harry and Bill turned to look at her, one in sympathy, and the other with a painful expression. "I honestly didn't think of them Gin," Harry told her grimacing and running a hand through his hair. "But Ginny, it would have gone to everyone in the DA. Did you want Michael Corner to know I could never stop thinking about you? That I took out the Marauder's Map every evening just to gaze at your dot watching you move around the castle?"

"You did that?" Bill and Ginny asked at the same time. Ginny's heart began to swell a little as she imagined Harry sitting with the old map on his lap watching her moving around the castle.

Harry nodded his eyes on Ginny. "Every night." His eyes told her he was telling the truth and his tone was sincere.

Bill shook his head after a moment. "That still doesn't-."

"Bill, shut up." Ginny ordered. She was touched. Neville and Luna had long ago pointed out the flaws in her wishes of Harry contacting her. She had gotten over the anger and hurt she had felt towards Harry with their help, but now her heart was swelling because he _had_ been watching over her.

"But Gin-." Bill tried to protest.

"No." Ginny turned to him with her arms crossing and her eyes flashing. "Harry was right not to contact me. It would have been dangerous, for him and me." She paused and turned to Harry, wanting to explain her behavior. "I realized after a time, and with help from Neville and Luna, that you were doing this for a reason much bigger than I, at the time, was thinking. When I realized that I wouldn't hear from you, I pouted and thought you were selfish. Luna and Neville very clearly made me realize that I was the one being selfish."

Harry smiled softly. "You kept me going Ginny." He wanted to make sure Ginny knew that. Maybe it was selfish of him to lay that reason on her now after everything. To tell her a reason that would make it harder for her to realize she can do so much better than him. But he had to. He had to tell her how much she meant to him now. How much she had always meant to him.

"I'm glad Harry," she told him softly, a small smile on her face. Harry made to reach for her but was surprised when Ginny hit him upside the head.

"Ow! What was that for?" Harry asked as he furiously rubbed the side of his head she had hit.

"Don't ever pretend to be dead again!" Ginny snarled her eyes fierce. "That was the worst moment of my life! I thought the world had come crashing down around me!" Tears started forming in her eyes once more as she thought about the day. She closed her eyes in an effort to purge the image from her mind.

Harry cowered at her rage but hopped over the bed and crushed her to him in a hug as he saw the pain in her eyes. "I'm sorry Ginny," Harry apologized. He wouldn't tell her that it was necessary. He didn't want to get hit again.

"What was the point of going on if you weren't there by my side?" Ginny asked him, her voice muffled by his chest. Harry just squeezed her tighter in answer, trying to tell her that he wasn't going anywhere now. He let go of Ginny and took a step back, looking down at her uncertainly. He was about to say something when he felt another whack to his head. Harry had not expected it, nor the strength behind it, and went sprawling to the floor. He looked up at Bill who was towering over him, a half amused expression on his face.

"You ever hurt her again and I will take you apart piece by piece." Bill growled fiercely. "Understand?"

Harry nodded furiously in understanding from the floor before Bill nodded once. "Good." His big brother duty over, he extended a hand to Harry. Harry took it after a second of hesitation and Bill hauled him to his feet. Ginny just rolled his eyes at Bill as he turned and headed for the door. "I have to tell mum about your miraculous recovery!" He left the wing a moment later and Harry sat on the bed rubbing his head and groaning.

Ginny just laughed at him softly and sat down next to him. He immediately put his arm around her and drew her close. Harry stifled a groan a moment later as a thought occurred to him. "What?" Ginny asked suddenly.

"You have six brothers." Harry groaned his head in his free hand. Ginny just looked at Harry for a second. This young man had just defeated Voldemort, the most evil wizard of their and their parents' generation and he was afraid of her brothers. She started laughing at the absurdity of the situation, but the very Harry-ness of it all.

"Shut up Ginny," Harry moaned. "It's not funny." Ginny just kept laughing, harder as it turned out. As Harry watched her, a smile grew on his face and he kissed her forehead. "I'll never get a break." He complained groaning.

Ginny kissed his cheek and let her head fall on his shoulder, content to once again be in his arms. With Bill telling her Mum about Harry's 'miraculous recovery', they wouldn't be alone much longer. She was content to spend the time in Harry's arms, waiting. Her own personal demons were still there, waiting just out of the light and for her guard to drop. But right now, she found she could muster the strength for just a few moments longer to be with Harry. Harry was silent as he held her close and Ginny knew he had a long way to go, hell, so did she, but she could be strong for him. He needed her. She needed to save him now. And she would. She was willing to go to the gates of Hell and back for him if he needed it. A few hours in Hogwarts would be taxing and demanding, but she would face it like she did every other challenge: with her head held high and back straight.


	6. Snape's Funeral

**The 19 Years Book 1: The Art of Healing**

**Chapter**: 6 – Snape's Funeral

**Date**: June, 1998

**Author's** **Note**: Sorry for the delay! I have been extremely busy working! LOTS of overtime! Tis the season. Anyways, thanks for the awesome reviews so far! Hope everyone finds this an enjoyable break from wrapping all those presents, traveling, or whatever it is you are doing to prepare for Christmas. And on that note, Merry Christmas and enjoy this chapter!

_**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the original characters!**_

Harry was feeling rather like Mr. Scrooge at the moment. Every day this week so far he had been visited. Not by ghosts like the famous storybook character, but by a Weasley brother. Everyone of them had threatened Harry within an inch of his life if he did anything to their baby sister ever again. George was the only one who hadn't dropped by yet, but Harry was sure that he'd hear a warning from him eventually.

Currently, Harry was sitting near the lake, just enjoying the sun and the breeze coming off the water. Hogwarts was standing tall behind him, the work crews still working at it. Harry had been directed outside by both Pomfrey and McGonagall who though that he could apparently use some more sun. It was beautiful outside and Harry followed their advice, especially since Ron, Hermione, and Ginny had dropped in. Harry noticed that Ginny seemed on edge while she was here. She constantly kept looking over her shoulder and seemed ill at ease whenever she was in the castle or in sight of it. Out here on the grounds was a little different, but Harry could still tell she was a little out of sorts. Harry wondered if she had been more affected by the Final Battle than he had thought and was worried about her.

Right now though, he couldn't keep the small smile off his face as he watched both Hermione and Ginny. The two girls were down the shore a little ways, dipping their toes in the water and having a little bit of fun. Harry was watching them fondly, glad that his two girls were smiling again. It had been awhile since he had seen them do so. It had been awhile since he had done so as well.

"Harry, can we talk a moment?"

Harry looked around to see Ron standing near him, his hands in his pockets and looking a little uncomfortable and but also determined.

"Sure thing Ron," Harry bobbed his head and patted the ground beside him.

Ron sat down next to his best mate and took in the view. He watched the girls for a little bit, trying to think about how he wanted to phrase what was bothering him. Harry sensed this going on with Ron and waited patiently for him to find the words. Harry had a good idea what Ron wanted to talk about but knew that Ron had to say it first.

"You and Ginny are together again." It was a statement.

"Yeah," Harry acknowledged nodding.

Silence for a few more heartbeats before Ron went straight to the point. "I just want to be sure that you are going to stay with her. I don't want you to mess her around again. She was torn up when you ended it last time. I don't want to see her like that again."

"Ron, I know. Don't worry, I'll never do that to her again. You know the only reason I did it before was because of Voldemort and what we were about to do. I'll never willingly leave her again." Harry promised. He held his best friend's gaze for a few moments after he was done speaking. Harry had repeated this to all the others so far, but found himself wanting Ron to believe him more than the others. Ron was one of his oldest friends, and one of his best friends. It was important to Harry that Ron be supportive of him.

Ron returned the gaze and then nodded, looking satisfied.

"Good."

Ginny and Hermione chose that moment to join them, laughing merrily. But Ron had said what he needed to and with his visit, all the Weasley brothers had threatened Harry. He was glad the Weasleys were such a great family and knew where they were coming from. He would do the same to any guy who approached Hermione after all. The three stayed with Harry until about dinner time when they had to head home to the Burrow. Ginny gave Harry a kiss goodbye but Harry noticed how fast she disappeared into the Floo. Harry went to dinner himself, his thoughts on Ginny and what he could do for her.

~19 Years AOH~

Just after dinner, Harry stood in front of the gargoyle that guarded the entrance of McGonagall's office. He was regarding it silently, his mind a whirl of thought.

"Just because you stare at it like that doesn't mean it's going to open," McGonagall said from behind Harry.

Harry turned to see the Headmistress walking up to him, an amused look on her face. "I wanted to see you but I realized that I didn't know your password."

"I'm sure that if you really thought about it you could have figured it out." McGonagall told him coming to a stop.

Harry grinned at that and dipped his head in acknowledgement. "Well, I was pretty sure Dumbledore was a good guess…" At the name, the gargoyle behind Harry sprang to life and leapt aside revealing the entrance. "And I see I was right." Harry finished with an amused look on his face.

"Well done Mr. Potter," McGonagall congratulated a bit sarcastically. "I always knew you would use that brain power of yours for wonderful things."

Harry dipped his head in acknowledgment of the 'praise'. "And here I thought you would be impressed."

McGonagall smiled a moment at the joke, glad to see Harry was making jokes. "So what did you want to see me about Mr. Potter?"

"Thank you for letting me into Gryffindor Tower." Harry said after a moment. He felt it was time to let his Head of House know he was grateful to her.

She actually smiled at him then. "If anyone is a true Gryffindor, it is you Harry." He blushed and looked at his feet. "Also I want you to know that there have been reporters asking to speak to you every day since the battle. Quite a few are camped out at the gates hoping for a glimpse of you."

Harry sighed at that news and ran a hand through his hair.

"I have not let them onto the grounds and I am not planning on it. I think you will be able to have a few days of peace." McGonagall added with the air of disbelief that they were still hounding her for information about Harry. Harry smiled at her in gratitude at that. "Is there anything else Harry?"

"Yes, I wanted to say I was sorry," Harry said all traces of humor gone.

McGonagall blinked at him in surprise. That was not what she had been expecting from her lion. "Why?" She asked allowing her confusion to show.

"I want to apologize for disappearing into the forest and making you come after me, for my behavior recently, and for bringing Voldemort to Hogwarts." Harry said in a bit of a rush but McGonagall understood it all. She was surprised to hear what was coming from Harry's mouth but the last part really caught her attention though.

"Mr. Potter, Harry. That was not your fault. That was Voldemort's choice, not yours. As for your behavior after the battle, have you seen what you have done? You singlehandedly have shaved two months off our timetable. The things you did took two or three other wizards most of the time. And for the Forest Incident, well, we all grieve in different ways." McGonagall told him putting a hand on his shoulder. "I'm just glad that you… shall we say woke up? We were getting worried about you. But you have once again proved that we all underestimate you. I am sorry we failed you Harry." She patted his shoulder.

"Failed me?" Harry echoed in confusion. "But you haven't! You have given me a place to stay and dealt with me being a brain dead zombie these past weeks. You came after me when I disappeared into the forest, you made sure I was cared for."

"I cared for you physically," McGonagall agreed. "But I must admit I am referring to before. I do not know exactly what you, Mr. Weasley, and Miss Granger got up to this last year, but I know it took a huge toll on you. I also know that had we shared more information with you in your fifth year, Sirius may still be here. I am sorry that I did not push harder with Albus about that and I cannot help but think that if I had…" McGonagall trailed off for a second as she peered at her favorite lion. "Well, we will never know will we? But I am glad to see you up and around Harry. If you need anything, don't hesitate to call." She reminded him with a smile before heading up into her office.

She left Harry standing there feeling a little confused at her reaction but also better that he had gotten that off his chest. It was clear that she didn't hold him responsible for anything and for that Harry was grateful. He was also surprised that she felt that way about him. Harry wondered himself if things would have been different had he been told about the prophecy and his link to Voldemort's mind earlier in his fifth year. After a few minutes of thinking, he decided not to dwell any longer before turning and heading back to his dorm.

~19 Years AOH~

Harry was sitting with Ginny in the Gryffindor Common Room. Ron and Hermione were walking around the castle, leaving the two alone for a time. Ginny was cuddled into Harry's side but he could tell she was ill at ease. Just like she always was whenever she came to the castle to visit. They were completely alone, only the small fire giving them any company at the moment.

"Ginny," Harry drew her attention to him with his soft but serious tone. "What's wrong?"

Ginny looked up at him in surprise and confusion. She was perfectly content here with Harry. At least right now. This morning when she was getting ready to come to Hogwarts with Ron and Hermione she was a wreck. She had been shaking and pale and had to take a draught of calming potion before she could face leaving her room. Once she was here and with Harry, she was alright. The common room had been a refuge for a time from the Carrows, until they discovered that any teacher could get inside. Once that had happened, the only refuge was the Room of Requirement. Sitting here on her own would have been torture. She probably would have broken down long ago and ran screaming from the place. But with Harry she had been able to keep it together. She had kept reminding herself she needed to be strong for him. She couldn't be weak or else he might start blaming himself again.

"Nothing." Ginny managed to get out after a moment.

"Ginny," Harry's tone was a gentle rebuke. "I see how tense you are. I can _feel_ how tense you are. Is it me? Are you nervous being alone with me?" Hurt and concern came to Harry's green eyes as he asked her.

"Oh Merlin no!" Ginny breathed sitting back and shaking her head vehemently. "It's not you Harry. There's nothing wrong."

"Ginny," Harry turned so he was facing her and took one of her hands in his. "Please don't lie. I can see you are tense and worried. I can tell you are not comfortable here. You keep coming back here but you hate it. You can't stand to be here. I hate to make you uncomfortable and ill at ease. Please tell me what I'm doing wrong. I want to fix this."

Ginny closed her eyes and shook her head. "It's not you Harry," she breathed. "I swear. I just – I – can't, oh Merlin," Ginny dropped her head in her hands as she started to cry. Emotions that she had been fighting all day were finally starting to win out. She felt the cold and darkness that seemed to always be present in Hogwarts during that time creeping up on her now. She started shivering and crying all at the same time becoming an absolute wreck. Ginny tried to pull herself together, tried valiantly to restore some sort of balance to her emotions before Harry got freaked out himself. Instead, she found herself getting more and more lost in the overwhelming and overpowering emotions.

Just as she thought she was going to have to flee the room to protect Harry, she felt strong arms wrap around her. They squeezed her tightly to him, the warmth of his body seeping into hers. "Shh, let it out Gin," Harry gently spoke to her as he kissed her head and held her close.

Harry's warmth held the coldness and darkness at bay. His soothing words and closeness slowly brought Ginny back to her present and gradually her tears slowed. When they had become mostly hiccups, Ginny sat back and wiped her eyes with her hand. Harry let her separate from him but kept his arm around her, letting her take his strength. "Ginny, what's wrong?" Harry gently cajoled.

Ginny took a few deep breaths to get a handle on her emotions before speaking. "I – I hate Hogwarts." She started out. Harry's eyes showed surprise at that statement but he didn't interrupt. "I know you love this place, and I used to too. Growing up, I had heard stories from my brothers of this school. Quidditch, pranks, friends… it always was the place I couldn't wait to go. I couldn't get here fast enough, I was anxious for my first year to start. I was so excited when my letter came. I could finally come here and be a part of the legend. And then my first year happened."

As she spoke her voice grew more confident and less strangled. Harry could tell she wanted, needed to get this off her chest and let her speak unhindered.

"Thanks to you, I lived through the Chamber of Secrets. I departed Hogwarts that year worse for wear and hesitant to come back. When I talked about it with mum, she told me that with time I would get over it and I'd come to love Hogwarts like everyone else. My second year was fine and that was when I truly started to get over the Chamber. I realized that I could have a good time here with the friends I had made. My third year was fine until the end when Cedric died and I saw what it did to you. I knew you were reeling from the events and my heart went out to you though we weren't close like that yet. My fourth year, even though we were dealing with Umbridge, and even though we knew Voldemort was out there, was brilliant. We became good friends. The DA was probably the best thing that I had happen to me and Quidditch was great."

"We went to the Ministry and battled Death Eaters in order to rescue Sirius. Even though it was a trap and Sirius died. Even though we all got hurt somehow, I still count that year as one of my best. I truly understood who my friends were, who my family was, and what was truly important. And even though we lost Sirius and both Ron and Hermione were hurt badly, I was not jaded in returning to Hogwarts. I was happy to come back as I had discovered who I was and what I was capable. My fifth year was probably the best though. That was when everything seemed to be falling into place like it was all supposed to. You and I got together. We won the Quidditch Cup. And after a lot of hard work, I passed my OWLs. It was a relatively uneventful year, as far as I was concerned. Right up until you disappeared with Dumbledore that night and the Death Eaters broke in. I had gone the whole year without incident, without once regretting ever coming to Hogwarts, and I was happy. That night was terrible. Thanks to the Ministry, I knew the realities of battle and was able to help. My feelings of being ready to face anybody and anything lessened as I realized that even with everything you had taught us, our survival came down to using a mouthful of good luck potion. With that realization, I was determined to be ready for the next year. We Dumbledore dead, you leaving on your mission, I knew things were going to get bad. But I, like everyone else, was sure that Hogwarts would be almost the same." Ginny closed her eyes and drew in a deep breath before she continued.

Harry listened intently to her speak. He could tell this was something that had been nagging at her for a long time. And as he watched her try to gather herself to put words to her feelings about the last year, he realized that she was at a Hogwarts run not by teachers who were concerned about getting their students through OWLs and NEWTs, but by Death Eaters. And two of the cruelest Death Eaters who served Voldemort to boot. Suddenly Harry realized that last year at Hogwarts was no easy thing. He remembered only now the look of Neville and Seamus as he, Ron, and Hermione had entered the Room of Requirement that night. Their wounds had been severe. Neville had talked about being a target for the Death Eaters' torture. Looking at Ginny now, knowing her personality and hearing what she had just said made Harry realize that Ginny would have had it just as bad, if not worse. He closed his eyes as he steeled himself to hear what she had to say next.

"Last year," Ginny's voice cracked a little, "was horrible. It was worse than the Chamber. I saw my friends get tortured by Death Eaters because they stood up against them. We were tortured, starved, and humiliated every day simply because we were Gryffindors. The Carrows were nasty and loved throwing a Crucio around like candy. The other professors tried to protect us as best as they could, but they could only do so much. I don't know what I would have done if Neville wasn't there," Ginny wrapped her arms around herself as she spoke, her eyes staring at the floor. "He didn't stand for their actions against others, especially the younger kids. I knew what you would be doing if you were here. I knew what my brothers would be doing if they were here and I tried to do the same. I kept an eye on the others as often as I could. I often found that the best way to do that was to offer myself as a target instead of the firstie they had been gunning for."

"The Carrows knew who I was. Knew who my father was. Knew how close we were to you. I think sometimes they tortured me in order to try to get a response out of you. I don't know if they thought I was in contact with you though my every letter was read and there was no other way of communicating. Hogsmeade visits were cancelled for everyone but Slytherins some Ravenclaws and the Quidditch Cup was awarded to the Slytherins automatically. You saw Neville that Night. I was surprised to see him looking so good," Ginny spoke softly. "I found out he had been hiding in the Room of Requirement for some time so the Carrows had not had a chance to get at him."

Ginny took another deep breath and Harry squeezed her shoulder in support. He could see how much of a toll this was for her to talk about it. He could also see that he had had no idea how bad it really was. She was obviously holding back still, but Harry didn't want to push. He also realized that there was no way for him to fix this. She had to heal herself, just like he had to heal himself. He did start to feel guilt though that he had been making her come to him, here at the place that so haunted her still. He felt a twinge of regret that he had brought this subject up here and now instead of at a time when she was more comfortable and ready to share.

"Carrow dispensed with 'Defense Against' after the first two weeks. Instead, he was teaching us the Dark Arts and expected us to practice it on the first years. After several Slytherins teamed up on a Gryffindor and Hufflepuff first year, Neville and I decided to take a stand. It was mandatory for us to attend Hogwarts, but that didn't mean we had to like it. We decided to fight back the only way we could. We raised the DA. It started out as pranks against the Slytherins and Ravenclaws who were taking advantage of the power. We even did some things against the Carrows themselves. When they started using the whips, chains, and other things that Filch always kept threatening with, we evolved. We started rescuing the kids who were being punished or volunteering to take their spots." Ginny sighed and raised her eyes to look at Harry.

"When I'm here, I feel like the Carrows are right around the corner, ready with the Cruico. Or I swear I hear screams coming from the dungeons. I hear them all constantly," tears were running free now and Harry's heart was in his throat as he saw that.

"I hear the cruel laughter and taunts of the Slytherins and the Carrows. Hogwarts was always cold and dark that year and even now I feel like the cold is creeping up on me, overwhelming me. I hate it here. The worst part though, is that everyone keeps telling me that I didn't have it that bad last year. That I was _safe_ at Hogwarts. They all seem to forget that it was run by _Death Eaters_. That since I was a Gryffindor and a Weasley, I was one of their favorite targets. I don't understand how they can't see that!" She exclaimed in frustration before Ginny laid her head on her arm and her shoulders shook as she cried.

Harry pulled her into his embrace and held her tightly. She cried into his shoulder and he let her. Harry said nothing, just held her, comforting her as she cried. His thoughts were a swirl of anger, fear, and guilt. He was sorry about what Ginny had gone through. He was sorry to hear that it was so bad. He could tell there was more to the story, though he didn't want to press. He did resolve to talk to Neville at some point though; maybe he could give him some more insight. They stayed like that for some time until Harry realized that Ginny had fallen asleep. He settled her into a more comfortable position while still holding her, realizing that she needed this. He looked at her face as she slept. It wasn't quite peaceful, but it wasn't tortured either. He hoped that his presence was having a soothing affect on her. He wondered what to do next. He couldn't ask Ginny to keep coming here for him if it was so bad. He would have to start thinking about somewhere else to go. Somewhere where they could truly start to heal. He let his head rest against hers as he pondered, hoping that Ron and Hermione would take their time getting back.

~19 Years AOH~

Thankfully, it was sometime before Ron and Hermione came back. Ginny had woken up and gone to the girls' toilet to clean herself up a bit. When she came back in, Harry pulled her close to him.

"Ginny, I'm sorry," Harry started and held up a hand to stop her from interrupting. "You said that everyone is making light of your situation this past year. And I have to admit that I did not think about it myself until you told me. You coming here to see me must be taking a huge toll on you and I appreciate that you have been. I know how much strength it takes to do something like that for someone you love. Thank you," he kissed her intently, making Ginny blush with pride and embarrassment. "I also see now that we haven't been telling each other everything. And I want to. From now on, we always tell each other everything. Deal?"

Harry's green eyes searched hers and Ginny nodded. She was touched that Harry was so concerned about her and that he would say something like that. "I don't know how much I want to share at once though," Ginny breathed softly.

"It's no matter love," Harry calmed her fears as he put a hand over hers. "I am here for you whenever you need it."

"So you promise to talk to me too then?" Ginny asked putting her other hand on top of Harry's and holding his emerald eyes. "You promise not to shut down like you did before and block out everyone and everything?"

Harry nodded. "I promise Gin. I know that it probably seems like an empty promise right now, because every time something has happened in the past, I've done exactly that, but I think it might help knowing that there is someone that I can share with and they won't run away in fear."

"I won't," Ginny assured him nodding. "And neither would Ron or Hermione," Ginny told him.

"They have proven that in the past," Harry agreed, "though they have often taken their time about it." He added somewhat sadly.

It was true too, Ginny reflected. Ron had completely lost it and walked away from Harry when his jealousy over the Triwizard Tournament had reared its ugly head. And she remembered how Hermione had pretty much refused to believe Harry about Draco Malfoy their sixth year. She herself had doubted Harry's theory but had also seen some of the signs that the others completely ignored. "I won't run away Harry. No matter what you tell me."

Harry looked at her and saw the sincerity and truth in her eyes. He felt some relief as he realized that Ginny truly would not be going anywhere. "And I won't run out on you either. You are my life now," Harry repeated to her and Ginny knew that those words were true.

She kissed him in response, glad to finally have someone to talk to. It would be hard. There would be no easy thing to tell about her year, but somehow, she knew that Harry would understand better than most others. She knew that he had bad experiences himself and that both of them would have difficult stories to share. But that they would share them eventually. They would take the time that they needed and they would heal. Together. Ginny blinked back more tears as she realized that she didn't have to be strong for Harry anymore. She didn't have to be the rock in the relationship. She could draw strength from Harry when she needed it and he could draw strength from her when he needed it. She smiled as she snuggled close to Harry. Relief was spreading through her because she knew now that true strength was being able to give and take. In that moment, she knew that she and Harry would be alright.

~19 Years AOH~

After their talk yesterday, Ginny went home to the Burrow with Ron and Hermione. Harry had told Ginny that he didn't want her to come back to Hogwarts if she didn't think she could handle it. He told her to wait until the Memorial which would be taking place next week. He would be fine and would be starting to get ready to move out once the Memorial was over. While Ginny felt conflicted about not coming back, she also felt relief. It had taken a lot out of her these past few days when she came to see Harry. She wasn't sure if she could make it until the Memorial Service and was glad to see that Harry understood. She was touched that he wanted her to be comfortable. Looking back now, she could clearly see how much help it had been to speak to Harry about last year. He didn't tell her that she had been in the safest place in the world, or that the teachers protected them from the worst of it, or any of the other meaningless platitudes that the others liked to tell her so often. Harry listened to her and held her close in response. He wanted to help her, just as she wanted to help him.

Harry was glad that he now knew why Ginny had been so ill at ease. Though he was mortified as well. He wondered just how much more there was to the story and what else had happened to everyone. It made him more determined to talk to his friends. He owed them that much at least. His thoughts also turned to George, whom Harry hadn't seen at all since the Battle. Harry had no idea what it was like to lose a brother, a twin at that, but knew that it couldn't be easy. Knowing that there were still people out there who were feeling pain made Harry disgusted with his own actions of late. He had told Ginny he would leave Hogwarts after the Memorial Service and he was determined to do so. He just wondered where he would go. Right now though, he turned his attention to what was going on in front of him.

There is a spot on the lake next to Hogwarts that is clear of bramble and bush. It is a small spot, perfect for someone to steal away a few hours reading a book or just watching the world move. It is guarded by a towering majestic maple tree which casts the perfect amount of shade and shelter. Its trunk is a little twisted and knotted from weathering the years, but it is strong and sturdy and would not fail easily. Under this tree, facing the lake and the beautiful view of the sunrise and sunset, lay a grave. The shore was one that only a few students of Hogwarts found their way to, and only by a path that wandered through the woods and lakeshore. A simple headstone marked the grave of one of the most courageous men Harry had come to know.

_Severus Tobias Snape_

_1960-1998_

Harry stood before the majestic maple tree, his head bowed in reflection and reverence. Before now, Harry had not realized how much time had passed. McGonagall told him that Ron and Hermione had retrieved Snape's body the night after the Battle of Hogwarts. McGonagall and Flitwick had laid him to rest here, and had had a small memorial service amongst most of the staff. Harry had not come because at the time he was locked in his grief. But McGonagall had told him that they had all said something to the complicated man. Harry would have liked to seen it, but knew that things couldn't always wait for him. After she had explained how to get here, Harry had walked here directly from the Headmistress' Office. It was the perfect spot for him, Harry thought as he looked around. It was a private and quiet spot, just as the man himself was. It was also far enough away from Hogwarts that it would not be trampled upon by careless students. Harry knew the man was a hero and deserved to be honored as such. Some felt that everyone who died in the Battle of Hogwarts should be laid to rest in the new cemetery in Hogsmeade, but McGonagall had insisted that Snape be buried here on Hogwarts' grounds since he was a Headmaster, and one of the most important as it turned out. Not many believed her about Snape's allegiances, but she had gone ahead and laid Snape to rest here anyway before anything could truly stop her. Now, it was a quiet memorial, but one that Harry still found fitting for his snarky positions master.

Harry looked at the grave before him, nervous butterflies filling his stomach. "Professor," Harry started out quietly. "Thank you. For everything." Harry stopped there for a moment as he considered his words carefully. He crouched down and put his hand on the headstone and bowed his head. "I would have failed without your help. You died without seeing the end of the war, but we won. Because you told me what I had to do. It was also you who brought me back to myself after everything. I heard you in my head ridiculing me for my selfishness for allowing my grief to consume me. You were right. I hope Mum is watching out for you up there. I know I have no right to ask you for anything else, but could you say hi to her for me?" Harry's voice caught and he paused. "Things would be very different if you hadn't done what you did. You're the bravest man I will ever know. Thank you." Harry whispered.

He looked at the grave before him for a moment and rather thought something was missing. Harry concentrated, knowing that Snape would berate him forever if the engraving turned out to be crooked or messy, and carefully moved his wand. A few minutes later, Harry sat back on his heels and nodded in approval before waving his wand once more. Harry put Severus Snape's grave behind him and headed back to the castle. The young man had left the grave slightly changed from when he had arrived, but many would later say it was a needed improvement. The grave now read:

_Severus Tobias Snape_

_1960-1998_

"_Sometimes even to live is an act of courage."_

Underneath the fresh engraving was a small bouquet of black roses.

When Harry returned to the castle, McGonagall greeted him in the Entrance Hall. "Are you alright Harry? I am sorry we didn't wait for you for the service," she told him again.

"I understand why you didn't," Harry answered. "And sort of. After everything that happened, after everything we went through, it feels weird to be fond of him."

"People are mysterious," McGonagall answered nodding. "And none more so than Severus Snape. But it turns out he was a spy this whole time. And that he saved your life on multiple occasions. He was actually a good man who tried to do what was right the only way he knew how."

"And I am thankful we had him," Harry agreed as he followed her into the Great Hall for dinner.


	7. 7 Fred's Funeral

**The 19 Years Book 1: The Art of Healing**

**Chapter**: 7 – Fred's Funeral

**Date**: June, 1998

**Author's** **Note**: Sorry for the delay! I have been starting to move so I have been busy working or moving in my spare time. I'm afraid my FF stories got waylaid. This move should take about 3 months or 5 months longest. I will try to get to a Barnes and Noble or Starbucks or something to post chapters when I can. But I can't promise regular updates for the next few months.

Thanks for all your reviews! I do hope you guys stick with me for the coming months!

_**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the original characters!**_

Funeral after funeral. And this was only the start. Harry was loath to do it, but it had to be done. He wanted to attend all the funerals he could as he was as much responsible for these people's deaths as the Death Eaters and Voldemort. Right now, Harry stood with the other Weasleys. They were gathered in the orchard where he and the other Weasleys had played pick-up games of Quidditch so many times before. Molly and Arthur had decided to lay their son to rest there, in one of his favorite spots at the family home.

As they stood there, listening to the prayer for Fred's soul, Harry couldn't help thinking about the many times he had encountered Fred Weasley. The one thing that he kept coming back to was how many times Harry had seen Fred smiling. There were probably only three or four times that Harry had ever seen him without that grin. As the wizard who was leading the service called for a moment of silence before the speeches were to start, Harry couldn't help but think back to the time when the twins had tried to send him a toilet back in first year after the Stone fiasco. A small grin spread across his face and his shoulders shook slightly as he stifled his chuckles.

"What are you laughing about Harry?" Hermione whispered next to him, thinking it was a strange reaction.

"About the time the twins sent me a toilet in first year after the Stone adventure." Harry whispered back.

Ginny stifled a giggle and looked at Harry. "Did they really?" She asked in a whisper.

"Yeah, I never saw it though. Madame Pomfrey confiscated it under the pretext of being unsanitary."

"She didn't!" Ron leaned forward to look at Harry. He had a mortified look on his face. "You never got their present then?"

Harry shook his head. "Nope. I'm sure it was a grand toilet though."

"It was. They bewitched it to sing and turned it a gold color. Fred said that you deserved a real throne for you would be royalty around Hogwarts after that." Ron explained in a whisper. He had been there when they were bewitching the toilet.

Harry started to really laugh at that and Hermione even cracked a smile.

"Remember when they walked around in front of you in second year yelling look out for the Heir of Slytherin?" Ron reminisced.

"Merlin yes!" Harry nodded as his laughter died. "That was so bloody annoying. They made me late for class and finally Professor McGonagall told them to leave me be or risk getting detention." Harry smiled and Ginny smirked.

They were no longer whispering and several people were looking around at them with mortified expressions, Molly one of them.

"What are you doing?" She hissed at them. "Fred's dead, you should be crying, not laughing!"

"Mum, Fred wouldn't have wanted us to cry for him." Ginny told her. "He lived his life laughing, and he would want us to remember him with laughter." She turned to Harry as Molly tried to process that. "Do you remember that valentine you received in your second year?" Harry nodded. "Well I have to admit I did write it but the twins were the ones who were actually sent the card."

Ron howled in laughter and Harry just looked at Ginny mortified. "You wrote it?"

"Yeah." She blushed and looked at her feet.

Harry grinned after a second and leaned in to whisper in her ear. "Well those were some bloody good lyrics." He started to laugh as her blush became a deeper red.

"I'll always remember their greatest prank in our fifth year though." Ron said.

Hermione nodded in agreement. "Umbridge deserved what she got. They were excellent."

Harry nodded in agreement too. "Those fireworks were amazing. They had Umbridge running around the school and by the end of the day she was covered in soot, had singe marks in her hair, and was in a downright foul mood."

Harry noticed George had a slight grin on his face when he heard about the effects that they had on Umbridge after they had made their dramatic exit. Soon, everyone was sharing a story they had about either Fred, or the twins. Each had humor or showed a side of the twins that wasn't often seen. McGonagall told two stories. One was the best prank she thought they had pulled off, which was in their second year, and one was of a time where they helped a second year deal with Umbridge and her punishments. The twins had actually taken the blame for the incident which had pissed off the toad, keeping the second year away from Umbridge and her blood quill.

Eventually, the stories were told, the condolences were expressed, and people were trickling home. Harry returned to Hogwarts, not wanting to impose on the Weasley's grief or able to face the dreary home much longer. Ginny and Harry hadn't discussed anything else but they were both relieved to have seen each other. She could tell that Harry was uncomfortable at the Burrow with the way the atmosphere was. She didn't blame him, though she did selfishly want him close to her. Harry regretted leaving Ginny alone, but didn't think he could take the haunted feeling that clung to him when he looked at George. Plus, almost everyone was still at the Burrow, making it very crowded. He would be one more burden on Molly and Arthur if he went there.

When Harry got back to the castle, he looked around. Hogwarts still had a long way to go, but a surprising amount was done. He made his way to the Astronomy Tower where he took a seat and watched the sun slowly sink lower in the sky. A few Threstrals wheeled around the sky, dipping in and out of the Forbidden Forest. Hagrid's cottage was almost completely rebuilt and Harry watched the grey smoke rising from Hagrid's chimney. The owls hooting in the distance, the lapping of waves on the shore of Black Lake, and the sounds of animals all over the grounds made their way to Harry's ears. Harry just sat there, listening to the nature surround him.

"You know, sitting there that close to the edge is making my wards go off like crazy." McGonagall said as a way of greeting.

Harry looked behind him to see her standing there, an expression of mild curiosity on her face as she regarded him. Harry noted that she didn't seem worried he was about to toss himself off the tower with interest and gratitude. "Sorry."

"Well, as long as you are not going to be jumping anytime soon, we'll just ignore them for now." McGonagall said somewhat dryly. "What are you doing up here Harry?"

"Just listening and watching." Harry answered shrugging and honestly.

"Hear anything earth shattering?" McGonagall asked with a hint of a smile.

"Just a barn owl." Harry replied grinning somewhat as well.

McGonagall chuckled and turned to leave. She had been curious to know who had been setting off the alarm up here. Now that she knew, she wasn't worried. Molly probably would have demanded that Harry back away from the edge, but she knew that Harry wasn't suicidal. He just liked places of solitude and not frequently traveled.

"Professor," Harry called out after her making her stop and turn to look at him.

"Yes?"

"I have been thinking."

"Oh dear." McGonagall deadpanned though her lips twitched in a smile.

Harry also grinned at that. But it faded as he gave voice to his thought. "A lot of people died in the war against Voldemort."

"Too many," McGonagall agreed softly but it was also a prod. Harry had lapsed into silence and she wanted to know where he was going with this.

"I was thinking that we should do something to honor them."

"We are having a memorial service here at Hogwarts in two days," McGonagall reminded him.

"I know," Harry assured her. "But I was thinking we should do something more permanent. So that generations from now, when everyone who survived this war has passed away, everyone that comes here will still know who these people were. What they did for us."

McGonagall regarded her lion for a moment as she thought about it. "And how do you suggest that? Kingsley is going to have a monument built here on the grounds."

Harry stood up then to face her. McGonagall could see the emotion churning in those eyes and the conviction he had for this idea he had obviously spent a lot of time thinking about. "I think you should make a room inside Hogwarts that is like the Room of Requirement. Make it a Memorial Room to everyone who fought and died in the First and Second War. Make it so that it is mentioned in classes but the students have to find it."

"You mean like accidentally?" McGonagall asked shrewdly.

"Well I mean don't show them where it is." Harry said shrugging.

McGonagall nodded her understanding and looked fondly at her Gryffindor. "I think that is an excellent idea. I'll get the crew and professors working on it immediately."

Harry grinned at that and turned back to look out at the grounds. His hands were stuffed in his pockets and his messy hair was being played with by the breeze. McGonagall watched him for just a moment wondering what was going through his head. He should be with the Weasleys now. They were family after all. But maybe that was the point, she realized with a start. Maybe Harry had no idea where he should be anymore. She decided to give him a push.

"You know Harry, I think you should leave Hogwarts. You've done all you can here. Hogwarts' repairs are coming along nicely, ahead of schedule thanks to you, and I am going to busy now these next few weeks trying to find teachers for all the missing posts and filling two House Head positions. "

Harry turned to look at her slowly. She was expecting him to immediately say that Hogwarts was his home and that he had to stay and help, so she was surprised when Harry's face was one of thought.

"I have been thinking that too." Harry answered nodding. "I just am not sure where I should go."

"Why don't you go home Harry?" McGonagall asked him gently.

Harry looked down at his shoes. He didn't have a home. Sure he had Grimmauld Place, but that held far too many bad reminders. He didn't want to impose at the Burrow either. The Weasleys were all grieving and he didn't want to interrupt that. And his parent's cottage in Godric's Hollow was unfit to live in because of the memorial and the damage. He sighed and only looked up when he felt McGonagall's hand on his shoulder.

"Harry, what's wrong?"

"I know it's time to leave Hogwarts. If anything it is to make it easier for Ginny. I didn't realize until just a few days ago how hard it is for her to come here to spend time with me. I hate asking her to do that to herself just to come and see me. I want to be there for her and I know she wants to be there for me. So leaving Hogwarts is a must. The only house I own is Grimmauld Place, but I don't think I can face going back there yet. My aunt and uncle would rather me be dead then have me turn up on their doorstep once more. And my parent's cottage is far to ruined to even consider living in."

"Forgive me," McGonagall decided to tackle one issue at a time, "but why does Miss Weasley find it hard to be here?" She asked wondering if it was because she witnessed the Battle or if it was the results of the year dealing with the Carrows.

"She hasn't told me all the reasons yet," Harry answered "but mostly because of what she endured with the Carrows. Surely you would realize that Professor?" Harry asked her somewhat reproachfully.

McGonagall sighed and nodded. "You are right of course. Now that I stop to think, I remember how horrible it was here. I think you just added to my list of tasks of things to do before the school year arrives," she said more to herself than Harry but Harry took notice anyway.

"That wasn't my intention."

"Of course it wasn't," McGonagall assured him. "But thank you anyway Harry. The students did witness things here I would never wish them to have before. And Miss Weasley is correct. We will have to think on how to assure everyone, especially our students, that Hogwarts is safe once again. And as for your home predicament, you are forgetting something. The Burrow is also your home. I know for a fact that Molly and Arthur would love to have you there. Not only that, but your best friends are there as well as Ginny."

"I don't want to intrude on them though," Harry insisted. "They are pretty full right now with everyone staying there."

"It's not much more than they have had in the past," McGonagall corrected him. "And really, I doubt you will be there for much longer than the rest of the summer. You'll probably be buying a flat in London sooner than you think anyway. Spend the time you have now with your family Harry."

Harry looked around the room and nodded. "Thanks Professor," Harry grinned at her and McGonagall nodded before leaving the tower. She paused at the door and came back to stand beside him.

"Harry, a word of advice if I may," at Harry's nod, she continued. "A lot has happened to you here. I know you saw this place as home, even after everything that has happened to you here. I know you won't forget what has happened here, or the things you learned here, but there comes a time when you must build on what you have learned by forging new memories with new people and in new places. You have reached the age where the sky is truly your limit, and honestly Harry, I think you can go higher than that if you put your mind to it. You are worried you have no home anymore? Well create your own home. Build a family. But above all, be yourself." She gave him a smile, patted his shoulder, and then left the tower.

Harry sat back down in the spot he had been and thought about what she had said. Moving into the Burrow would allow him to be near Ginny and his best friends. Perhaps it was the best solution for now. It would allow him and Ginny chances to talk and get things off their chests and out in the open. Hopefully it would also give him a chance to talk to his friends as well. Harry decided that for now, McGonagall was right. The Burrow was where he belonged right now because that was where Ginny was. He missed her when she wasn't around and knew that she needed him. If what she said about the others not believing her about her year her was true, she would definitely need him. And Harry was surprise to find himself anxious to talk more with her about what had happened to him.

He fingered his scar as he thought about his last year spent on the run from Death Eaters, Snatchers, Voldemort, and Dementors. He would definitely be telling Ginny that story. He knew that to explain some of the other things she had to know what had happened to him. And like he had promised her before, there would be no secrets between the two of them now. And Harry was happy with that. He had been kept in the dark for far too long or keeping his own secrets for far too long. He wanted to have someone he could share everything with no matter what. He still felt a little guilty for telling Neville he had to kill the snake that night. He had given the other boy neither explanation nor any reason, just that the snake had to die. He would make that right too. Neville deserved to know that much at least.

As darkness fell, Harry looked around at the darkened grounds. With it being summer, the castle was pretty much abandoned. He sighed as he stood up and made his way to Gryffindor tower. Along the way, he couldn't help but feel as if he was being haunted by the people who had died here. He was surprised to find that there had been no ghosts created during the battle. Or at least, there were none here at Hogwarts. One or two might come eventually, but it was something Harry was grateful for. He wasn't sure anyone could stand the school anymore if it was haunted by one of their classmates. He lay down in bed thinking that he didn't need the physical presence of ghosts for reminders about the Battle. His nightmares were enough. He fell into a fitful sleep, his mind stuck on ghosts, memories, and lingering guilt.


End file.
